Typing Thoughts

Hi! It's been a while

2011-01-13T02:09:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last post anything here. Why bother right? I don't think anyone is even following my blog. haha

So, why am I posting this article? Honestly, I've no idea. Not in the best of mood lately. Not having the best of luck which is creating considerable damage to my confidence level. I got it. I'm writing this post to ease myself. Blogging is kind of therapeutic (Despite having to restrain myself from blabbing things that could put me in deep shit).

I'm turning 25 this year and suddenly, thoughts of settling down came into my mind. When am I going to get married? How am I going to look after my family? I am a designer. I have pledged to be one. A vow I made to myself 8 years ago. But currently, I am not sure I can be a designer. I had a conversation with a couple of budding designers recently who like most budding designers whom I know, don't intend to be a designer once they graduate. Don't start telling me "You will not work on something that you studied in school." Coz I think that is just a waste. I might be living in denial but as much as I can, I want to believe that I can be a successful designer. But how long will that take? Will I be able to get married by the time I hit 31 if I am a designer? Will I be able to have time with my family if I am a designer? I worked as an assistant producer and heck! I feel like I don't have a life throughout my time working there! I don't think I even managed 3 hours of sleep a day. Ok correction, I was not an assistant producer. I was an assistant producer/scriptwriter/designer/web designer/editor. And how much am I paid? $1100. I OTed for several nights (punch card as evidence) but am I paid OT? No. Reason: I am receiving intern pay. WTH! I don't remember being offered a job as an intern. PUHLEEEZE!

Working there was a mistake. A big mistake... A HUGE mistake. Not only did it kill any remaining drive towards media industry, it also killed my confidence (due to the demoralizing words she threw at me, day in, day out).

It was an experience though. A bitter one. If only I could turn back time.

Finally! an ad-free website

2009-05-18T15:31:00.002+08:00

I have finally bought a hosting service and for the first time, my website, renamed 'Kangkong' has no advertisements that interfere with its design.

Feel free to visit my website at http://www.kangkongdesign.com or http://www.kangkongdesign.cjb.net

:)

Latest Portfolio Site up!

2009-05-05T12:07:00.004+08:00

After 2 years, I have finally revamped and updated my portfolio site. A new name has also been given to it. "Kangkong" is the name of my alter ego, a Malay Singaporean who always think of alternative, zany solutions to common everyday problems. Inspired from a Disney Cartoon character, Goofy, Kangkong distinctive features include long thin neck and an oversized upper jaw. Kangkong is also incredibly strecheable especially his face which thus, allows him to exaggerate facial expressions.

Problems especially to the ease of navigating through the website is addressed in the new design. Three different categories are introduced to group the increasing number of projects so as to make the website look more organized. The colour-coded categories also serve as added vibrancy to the whole design.

Feel free to drop-by Kangkong at http://www.yazidez.bravehost.com...:)

You can view the post of my old website here

Found

2009-03-22T03:30:00.005+08:00

When she left, it was abrupt. I was so shocked that I did not know how to react. I did not even know what I was feeling then. It was a concoction of anger, grief and dissappointment. Naturally hot-tempered, I was more interested to entertain 'anger' than the other two feelings. As usual, when I got angry, I couldn't think straight and my mouth keep blabbing nonsense. I do not know how many vulger and crude labels I gave her when I suddenly thought of her. She left without telling me why and that was too painful for my fragile heart to bear. So, in order not to damage it further, I decided to let her go... But how to when I hadn't even told her my feelings for her. Technically, we were not a couple yet. Last time, it took me 4 f**king years to forget my first love whom I have not freaking guts to approach and tell her that I like her! I didn't want my heart to wait another 4 years before it could come to terms with another failed relationship.

A lot of things happened after that. Thanks to my patience that I forced upon myself, she finally told me the reason why she decided we should not carry on with our relationship. Apparently, she thinks she's not cut out for me. Obviously, I did not accept that reason.

Slowly, our relationship starts to bloom and become rosy again. From her SMSs, calls and our rare meetings, she seems much more happier and talking to her now becomes so much a joy.

I'm not sure if god created her for me but my heart is saying 'yes'. I do not want history to repeat itself. Just a few hours ago, I told her what I've been wanting to tell.

I'm Back!

2009-02-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

Well, it wasn't to be isn't it? I thought I could consistently add new posts to my blog after finally getting myself away and free from the clutches of National Service. But school projects started to pile up before I could even settle down in the new University environment. Fortunately, I have settled down now alhamdullillah, and it is a great relieve. Syukur! my results for the first semester is enough to make myself proud. Enough to motivate me to work even harder :)

Obviously, a lot of things happened in my life since the last time I wrote on this very blog but all of them are a wee bit too personal to be published onto this public space. haha...

I have broken the spell

2008-06-18T00:19:00.005+08:00

Two years ago in the month of June, I was cramping my blog with plenty of posts. In a day, I could even write 2-3 posts. There was always something to write about. The month after that was the start of my National Service, and my post count start to decline drastically. Then in 2007, I could not even write more than 3 posts. That tells so much about my life in National Service - boring, dull, mundane (and any other similar words associated to boring that you can find in the thesaurus.)

Now June 2008, I am back to cramping my humble and honest blog again. I have finally broken the 3-post-a-month spell. My Operationally Ready Date is just around the corner, and since I'm in the phase of clearing my offs and leaves, I have plenty of time to update my blog.

I'll be writing soon about "the summary of my life in National Service" . What better date to write it than on my ORD date? Mark this date - 18 July 2008. Look out for it.

Just Inspired :)

2008-06-16T20:18:00.001+08:00

I just felt like writing something on this blog today. I'm just in the mood to write, that if I could, I would even write something on walls - just common things like "I was here", "Mat ni sukakan minah tu", and "if u want free SXX...beeeeeep". Haha... I won't bring myself too low as to write something that is so immature and as absurd as that. Haiz, sejuk perut mak saya yang mengandungkan saya.

Before I started writing this post, I was on a commenting-spree (whatever that means :p). I commented on pictures that my friends and siblings put up on their friendster page. Ideas on what to comment just flowed like water... I just love this feeling...You know, the feeling of being oh-so-inspired? I love it...

I am estatic today and that could be the most possible reason why I'm so inspired today. It was a good day today. In fact, I don't want today to end. But of course, anyone in the right mind knows that it's....WAY impossible. The news that I have been waiting for finally arrived; I got an understudy. At last, I can have a well-deserved rest. I can now ponder and look at life after NS. I can finally...dream BIG again. Boy, I miss dreaming.

20th July 2008 - ORD day

2008-06-05T21:27:00.000+08:00

1 month 2 weeks left to my ORD. 8 days of leaves yet to clear and plenty of off-days to consume. Finally, my NS journey that was filled with frustrations, laughters and joy, is coming to an end. Memories in BMTC 2, Ulysses Company, I will not forget. How could I, when I'd spent my whole 2 years in the Army in the same company?!

To all my fellow 03/06 BMT, Ulysses Company mates who will ORD together with me on 20th July 2008...Happy ORD! And may you succeed in your future endeavours.

Melayu Maju?

2008-06-01T22:09:00.002+08:00

Recent studies in Singapore shows that more Malays are gambling. More Malays are consuming alcohol. More Malays have tatoos on their body. Gambling, alcohol and tatoos are forbidden in Islam. Most of them, if not all, are aware of that but they still choose to be deviant. I AM DISGUSTED..

However, I do not dismiss the fact that we are a progressive race, just like the rest. More Malays got a place in university, more Malays are holding higher post in a company and even in the political arena. And almost everyone agree with the sentiment of 'Malayu Maju' (progressive Malays)..

But what is the definition of progress? Does progress mean material wealth, paper qualifications and a secular, more westernized mindset? What about our Islamic practices like our daily prayers? What about our knowledge of Islam? Does wearing a tudung makes our women's mindset backward? Does wearing less-revealing clothes make them unfashionable? If I don't drink or smoke, will I look less trendy?

Think about it.

I drive

2008-05-28T01:03:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulillah... Gracious Allah.. I can almost feel my father's confidence towards my driving starting to build up. Just a few minutes ago, I was on the road, driving without my father sitting beside me. No more extra hands trying to grab the steering wheel in any instance of unnecessary paranoia. Yipee!!

My dad just guided me from the back like "where to turn to?", "which lane to take?"..well, things like that. Hey! give me some time. I'm still a newbie and when I'm on the wheel, Singapore roads suddenly look so alien to me... "what's BKE? Burger King Eatery?" haha... just exaggerating my point...:)

Well, that sound pretty lame..:p

I earned that confidence. Before my father decided to show me that bit of confidence, I was cruising along the PIE (for the benefit of non-Singaporean visitors...PIE is Pan-Island Expressway), I switched lanes like an experienced driver. almost... I turned on my signal, checked my mirrors, then my blind spot. All clear. I gradually switched lanes without any hiccups. I didn't even apply any brakes like I used to when changing lanes.

I know.. What's the big deal? Just switch lanes WHAT? I also can do WHAT?- Those might be some of the 'selfish' remarks coming out from some of the more experienced drivers and wannabe racers. But, I don't care! I've met plenty of so-called experienced drivers who loves to 'teach' newbies like me. They would overtake me like right in front of my face or tries their best to squeeze in between me and a motorcycle, then making a face as though I was at fault for keeping to my lane and driving within the speed limit. I just passed for god sake! Getting booked for speeding is the last thing that I wanted.

So, today's experience on the road was one of the best driving experience I had so far. Mainly because I know that my father is beginning to have more confidence in my driving proficiency. I was almost over the moon as I was encouraged to write this post on my humble blog.

It will be some time before I drive again since Malaysia will ban foreign cars from filling their tanks starting this Friday. Singaporeans are frustrated. Yes. But I'm kinda proud will my fellow countrymen. Though we whine a lot over this issue, we still respect Malaysia's decisions. I just hope that Malaysia will not face any financial pinch when lesser Singaporeans buy oil from them. Visiting Johor has been great but I doubt my family will be going there again unless the ban is lifted.

A tale of two clients

2008-05-25T16:50:00.000+08:00

This is a tale of two Malay clients. One of them was like any other Malay clients whom I had stumbled upon; selfish, impatient, irrational, cheats (in other words...cekik darah). The other was the total opposite. She was kind and she acknowledged every single effort and every drop of sweat that I had put into the project.

The former owns a fairly large company that has numerous branches scattered all over the island. He wanted me to create two websites; one for his company and the other for his sister company that is dealing with the same business. The project wasn't as straight forward as any other web projects that I have worked on. They require database to generate contents. I have no experience dealing with database, so I have roped in a friend who is trained in that field. I remember telling him that I am currently serving time as an NSF and it will take me some time to complete the websites. The friend who was helping me with the database side is also serving his NS.

Problems particularly to the technical side surfaced half-way through the project and we had trouble completing the project on time. We updated him on the fair progress we made so far, apologized for the delay and seek extension of dateline. But he replied rudely and he blatantly accused me of not trying hard enough. Why do I need to give that extra mile when he's only paying me $350 for 2 websites?! I'd quoted $1k but he claims that I was over charging. I accepted the price that he quoted out of compassion and my willingness to gain some experience. But he was obviously reluctant to acknowledge the effort that we had put in. And the duration that he gave us to complete 2 websites from scratch?....1 month! Ridiculous shit!! If I had known, I wouldn't have accepted that project.

However, the other client soothe my fury a bit. She owns a small production house that only started operation less than five-years ago. Although she did not use the animation that I did for an opening sequence for a series that she's producing, she still paid me for the effort that I had put into the project. She also offered me a part-time job in her company as soon as I finish my National Service. An offer too hard for me to resist. She's such a motherly figure that I will not forget.

Driving Test. Driving Me Crazy

2008-03-28T07:14:00.000+08:00

In about 3hours, I will be sitting for my first driving test. This I hope will be the first and only time I need to sit for it. I am confident, sometimes over-confident that I had to remind myself about the evil of the latter. That don't always work because I suddenly found myself succumbing to nervousness.

Since late last night, I have been trying all means to calm my senses. The 'Self-Remembering' technique that I picked up from a philosophy book helps a bit. I also blasted MP3 music from my headphones in desperate attempt to not think too much about the test. But I failed to ensure that my MP3 was fully charged. It died on me after playing just 3 songs.

This is my last attempt; blogging. And it is working pretty well because I was preoccupied structuring my sentences. Haha...

Some of my friends who passed the test told me that driving test is 80% luck. Though I am not a preacher of 'luck', I do believe that it is not so much about skills. It depends on fate. IF i'm fated to get a tester that is 'ngiao' or troublesome, and loves to find fault, and gave critiques as sharp as Simon Cowell's. Then, I might not make it. But let's not envision that to happen....

2008

2008-02-22T00:29:00.000+08:00

It's Alive! Typing Thoughts is Alive! lol.. Yes, a new post after a long while. Nah! I've not been very busy. Just have nothing much to write about or worth sharing.

2008 - ORD year. In exactly 5 months time, I will bid goodbye to military life and join back 'civilization'. Life in NS has been memorable. I've learned a lot during my 2-year stint in the Army despite all the whining and complaining about unfairness in this massive organization.

2008- A year filled with love. I got to know a friend better since meeting her in mid-2006 and our relationship seems to be going somewhere. hehe... She looks...Ok.. But what attracted me most about her is that she's independent, she loves her family and she's so understanding...genuinely understanding. Not like a friend I know of who claims that she understands at one moment but became impatient at the next. Well, there's more about her that I like but I think it's best not to disclose all of them.

"What's her name?" -anonymous
"*whispers* Hazimah" -me

hehe..

What Eyes.....

2007-12-26T00:42:00.000+08:00

She's so beautiful. I'd never seen such beautiful eyes. In the photograph, she was wearing a purdah, covering her facial features except her beautiful eyes. She's so fair too.. Subhanallah.. For the first time in years, I....well...fell in love?...

Well, I do not know her...yet. I stumbled upon her on friendster while looking at my sister's profile page. My sis got lotsa pretty..pretty friends.. but she stands out most. Coincidently, she was my secondary school junior, the same batch girl as the girl whose smile was oh-so-sweeet (ilyana nabilah, that's you..:) ).. She's also from Temasek Design School! I graduated from there too! What coincidence!

Then... well, you know what happened next... I added her and she...pleasantly accepted it. Tell you the truth.. I was over the moon. Forging a relationship with her seems unlikely though. She's much younger than me and I've never been lucky with pretty girls...no no.. don't start to pity me. hehe..

Dreams

2007-11-24T00:41:00.000+08:00

A few years back, I had this master plan. I had my short-term and long-term aims all laid out nicely and I thought everything will go on smoothly. I dared to dream and I dared to dream big.

Money wasn't an issue then as I took for granted the presence of cash. Over the years, my parents invested their hard earned money to feed and school me with hope of fruitful returns. My phone bills were also settled by Dad.

Now that I'm in NS and receiving monthly allowance, I have to start paying for my own bills. I also have to start thinking seriously about my future. So, I took my first step. I bought an insurance plan that doubles as a savings plan. The $78 monthly premium didn't hurt much until I got to know that I have to pay back a monthly $100 for my Dad's CPF money that I used for my polytechnic education. Receiving only $350 NS allowance then, I have very little money to spend for myself. Suddenly, I found myself having to plan my personal finances. "How am I going to finance my studies in University?" "What IF I am not eligible for the Mendaki Tuition grant?"... Those financial concerns took a bit of my confidence.

However, after reading 'Al-Waqiah' a surah from the Al-Quran, which tells about the end of the world, and 'Ar-Rahman' which tells about Allah's kindness, I gained back confidence. I realized that Allah will always be with his ummah to protect them. So why be scared?

What are my dreams? Following are they according to priority.

To be a mukmin.. if not, a better muslim each day
To pay for my parents' flight to Mecca to perform hajj
To be a creative director in a advertising agency
To design something that benefits mankind
To marry a Muslimah who cares for my parents and loves me wholeheartedly
To be rich so that I can give my riches to those in need

I won't be hoping for those dreams to come true as I strongly believe that Allah knows what's best for me.

2007-11-18T14:00:00.000+08:00

Another post from Yazid Safaruan after a long looong while! Been kinda busy lately with... aaaaaa.... things la... And if I'm not busy, I felt lazy. So, that's why I'd abandoned this blog for more than a month.

Life has been good. Started driving but still feeling and looking like an idiot on the wheel. But given time, I'll be better... hopefully.

Had a long weekend last week. I took leave on Friday and Monday. And on Thursday, it was public holiday. A good break indeed but come Tuesday, I still found myself dragging my feet to Tekong. I spent my long weekend playing with my little cousin, Darwish. Below are some of the pix we took together..

Frustrated by friendster page views

2007-10-06T00:38:00.001+08:00

It was frustrating. I logged into my friendster account, encouraged by my sister and brother who were surfing through the friendster network. My sister was using her laptop, my bro on the family desktop computer, while I... on my trusted SNOW WHITE.

I managed a glance at my brother's friendster account homepage. He had 60+ page views! WOW! As for my sister's...well, her page view never hit below 10 on the first week. Often, by the middle of the month, her page view will hit 100+. My page enjoyed a totally different story. Currently, my page view hit a rock-bottom 4. Pathetic! It felt as though... hmm... I'm not being loved? haha...

Could the small number be because I seldom update my friendster? I believe so... But I seldom see my bro and sis update theirs. How did they manage a high number of page views I wonder?

This is beginning to sound like I'm vying in a popularity contest..haha...Well, I'm not!.. haha... I was just wondering WHY? WHY the small number of page views? I'll be contented with 10 page views per week actually. hehe..

So people, come say it with me..."BIG NUMBER, BIG NUMBER, BIG NUMBER..."..:p

The week I did simply...nothing

2007-08-19T01:12:00.000+08:00

What a relieve! I wasn't recommended any extra duties for the mistake I did while on duty two fridays ago. I fretted unnecessarily. Well, it's just me to fret over any problems... even menial ones.
But I feel that thinking the worst of something makes me mentally prepared if things really turn out bad.

Apart from this bit of scare and suspense, last week was a total bore. I spent my days walking to and fro along the company line's corridor, visited the canteen umpteen times, reprimanding the storeman for menial matters, and... well, that's just about it. And imagine doing this same routine for 5 straight days! BOREDOM at its MAX!

So, when a colleague invited me out to accompany him do sentry at the live range, I quickly accepted. But sentry duty turned out to be boring too. We simply sat at our post under the dark night sky with our only source of light coming from a green light stick. A recruit who was with us turned on the radio maybe to add a bit of life... but with little success. Partly coz he switched on to a Chinese channel. How selfish can he be?!

I'm not hoping for anything interesting next week. But I hope I have a little more work to do. At least that will shut the mouth of jealous bastards who thinks "clerks only know how to slack"...

I think I'm in deep shit

2007-08-12T14:49:00.000+08:00

My 10 August 2007 Ops duty could well be the toughest duty I had to date. On that day, I was shagged, unprepared and thus, I was caught off guard. The duty officer who was doing duty with me was a LTA, a commissioned officer and not a WO, a warren officer. Based on statistics, feedbacks and experience, warren officers are tougher to work with. But on rare occasions like 10 August, commissioned officers seem to be the tougher lot.

My job scope as a clerk for Ops room duty is to assist the DO (duty officer). But on 10 August, I wasn't assisting my DO. Instead, I was told to do almost everything for him, even to update CO (commanding-officer) on the day's events. I was also told to update the respective parties on incident updates when that falls under the DO's job scope. I'm not complaining about having to do things beyond my job scope. But I do not want to be responsible if anything goes wrong.

Unfortunately, things did go wrong. And unfortunately, fingers are pointing at me. The story starts with the wrong usage of words. On that day, a number of recruits was sent out to a hospital for blood test to rule out dengue. I received this information from the Duty Medic and diligently update the Events Report. However, instead of keying in "blood test" in the "Reason for send out" box, I keyed in "Suspected Dengue (blood test)". That was how I interpreted what the duty medic told me. And besides that, I clearly remembered clarifying with the Duty Medic whether it was suspected dengue case. And he said yes... although not convincingly.

I completed my duty the next day. My relieve however didn't last long. I received numerous calls from the incoming DO. Apparently, the "higher-up" people were making a massive Huh-ha over the words that I used; "Suspected Dengue (blood test)". Shockingly, the DO told me that the incoming Duty Medic told him that the recruits who was sent out for blood test on 10 Aug, was actually sent out for "upper respiratory problem". I was very sure the 10 Aug Duty Medic did not say anything about upper respiratory problem.

But fingers had started to point at me. My question is WHY? The Event Report should be done by the DO. I told him to check through it. He did... but very briefly. I asked if it's good to go. He said yes. So, is it still my fault.

I am in deep shit... I'll pray hard I'm not recommended any extra duties due to this unfortunate episode.

Last Week Happenings

2007-08-05T22:48:00.000+08:00

One week past without any interesting happenings. There were very few e-mails, an average of 3 per day, and my company was out for fieldcamp. In the company line, there were just me, the company orderly sergeant (COS) and a handful of out-of-trainees (OOTs).

I could choose to stay in my bunk and watch tv but I don't enjoy that. Watching TV for long hours and taking long afternoon naps will make my head spin. I just hate waking up after an afternoon slumber and feeling like a lazy idiot. I wanted to do work but what work can I do when there's no e-mails and instructions from anyone. So, I'm left to disturb my storeman and engage myself in a small discussion with my OOTs. Our topic ranges from the classic girlfriend stories and courting tips to ghost stories from camps in Singapore including Tekong.

Although the topics were rather mundane, I admit the OOTs really made them interesting. They are really experts when it comes to telling stories....well, come to think of it, maybe they used this skill to get the OOT status..lol... That's a possibility...lol

3rd day of field camp and I'm already bored talking to the OOTs. I was desperately in need of something interesting. If not, I would die of boredom. Hence, I asked my OC if I could sleep outfield that night at CCP7 (some forested area in Tekong) with a specialist. He agreed after much consideration (I guess). And I became the first clerk to sleep outfield.

I went to CCP7 with a packet of combat ration as I thought I might need them for supper. Only when I reached the area that I was told it was a wrong move. Wild Board always frequent the area and yup... my supper could well become their supper. So, I hid the combat ration in my bag and prayed hard no wild boars can smell it. Thank god, they didn't.

I also brought along my MP4 player to CCP7, hoping that a bit of music can put be to sleep and buffer any strange sound like... a pontianak's shrieking laughter? hehe.... But when I switched on my player, I realized that it was out of battery... Ouch!.. Never mind that, I still got my handphone with a radio function. But oops... I forgot to bring along the headset. Ouch x2!.. Maybe I can talk on the phone with someone and hope that they will say something sooooooooooooo boring that can put me to sleep. But...ehem... ehem.. I forgot to charge my phone... It's out of batt...OUCH!!!!!!

THANK YOU LOVELY SIS

2007-06-01T00:37:00.000+08:00

I keyed in 'yazid safaruan' in the google search box to find out if google has updated their range of results for those keywords. One of the results surprised me and it was rather touchy. It linked me to Nabilah, my younger sister's blog. She mentioned me in at least two of her articles. All of which mentioned good things about me (if she had mentioned bad things about me, the tone for this post would have been different..lol). They were oh-so-touchy that my heart weep... a bit.

Reading her blog made me miss her (again..if she had said bad things about me in her blog, this sentence would not have existed). She is currently doing her diploma in KUIS, an Islamic College in Malaysia. How I missed disturbing Nabilah or Bilah which me and my family members often call her, and how I missed being scolded for that.

Thank you Bilah for saying good things about me in your blog. I hope my sincere thanks and this short article is enough or at least close enough to repay your kindness...

Lots of Muacks (muacks muacks muacks) from a brother to a lovely sister. :D

Day at fieldcamp- A boring title for a boring post, written by a bored soul

2007-05-23T01:02:00.000+08:00

It was the start of the field camp day for my recruits. As an administrative assistant in my company, I am not required to go outfield. I never planned to go for it. But at the last minute, I decided to help out than slack around in the company office with the Company Orderly Sergeant and the Out-of-trainees.

Outfield, I made myself useful by helping my storeman and CQ set up tents... Ok, i assisted him to set up a tent. After that I drank cups of water, walk around a bit, disturb my colleagues a bit, listen to gossips and lame jokes which I replied with unconvincing chuckles, drank more water... and the cycle goes on and on until 1300hrs. I went back company line to settle some stuffs.

I came back to field camp site at about 1700hrs to have my dinner among 'friendly' flies. I walked around a bit and showed monkey faces at recruits. And I'm back again in the tonner, ready to be shuttled back to company line.

It wasn't extremely fun but it was indeed a new experience...especially for an admin assistant. 2 days of field camp have past. 2 more days to go. Most likely, i wont be going for anymore.

Guilt

2007-05-23T00:52:00.000+08:00

This week. Been bad. Been a bad boy.

The money. Not mine. But he owed. I asked. He wont pay.

Go out. Buy him stuffs. Ask for money. He gave more.

I bought. Got change. Did not give him.

Money is mine? or is it his?

The money. Took it out. Gave to cashier.

I drink. No change.

Money. Gone.

Been bad. Bad..So bad..

My Love Hate Relationship

2007-05-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

I am having a love-hate relationship with writing. My vocation as an administrative assistant requires me to write almost every day. I have to compose the Company Routine Order, reply and send e-mails, and sometimes I'm deployed to write some other stuffs. My command of English and Malay has been bad lately. I kept stumbling on my words when I talk to people. I have been trying to sound grammatically correct but I always got confused when it comes to tenses...hmm...Please pardon me if you notice grammatical errors to this post. Besides that, I would sometimes pause in the middle of my sentence because I..........................................can't find the right word to describe something.

Typing Thoughts was not updated for a long time. I wanted to update it several times earlier but I got stuck after writing a short phrase. I have no inspiration on what to write and trust me... I was worried.

I have been busy the for the past weeks. Freelance work and a 25-page thesis to be handed up this Sunday, had taken up my weekend . The theses is half done but I'm already losing steam and have difficulty continuing it. Nevertheless, I managed to complete 21/ 25 pages last evening with the last page being the conclusion.

Give to Gain. When Gained.. Give

2007-04-10T18:58:00.001+08:00

I was on my way home from camp. The journey home was long and boring. I had my mp3 player in the side pocket of my cargo army slacks. But it is just me to be 'paiseh' over anything, even to put on my ear piece in public. Besides, I need to distress myself and fast beat music wont help. As I stared into blank space, with my glasses slowly sliding down my sweaty nose (boy, i look like a retarded nerd), I started to daydream.

Encik, the person that I dislike most actually taught me something. He was exceptionally nice to me today and it makes me wonder. My mind tracked back to trace what I might have done to earn this rare treatment from him....... Nothing.

It was not what I did yesterday or the day before. It was what I did today that made him treat me so pleasantly.

I GAVE him co-operation, efficiency and enthusiasm. Thus, GAINing pleasant treatment. A pleasent treatment might seem little but it contributes a lot more. It makes people happy and that is above all.

Then, Joe Schmoe crossed my mind. Who is Joe Schmoe? Well, go to www.whoisJoeSchmoe.com. to find out..... I know it sounds wierd. Everything, from his name to the web address. But, just check it out. You might just find something interesting and useful.

Heart bleeding blood of sadness.. Burning fire of revenge

2007-03-26T00:56:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this entry because I'm happier today. I was sad yesterday. Don't really know why. It was one of the days where everything and I mean everything didn't go the way I wanted it to. Nah! I'm not gonna elaborate on what really happened yesterday coz simply, it's not worth remembering.

Memory. Some people like me hates it when we forgot things. However, I guess it's good not to remember everything. God gracious- He created our brains in a way that it is selective when storing information. Ugly and bad experiences are not worth remembering and our brain knows that. The only problem is, people like me likes to remind myself of those bad experience. I will reflect on those experience or sit and cry over it. I dun really know why I always do that. But to perpetuate and embrace happiness, we have to feel sadness and hurt first. Am I right dudes?

Deep inside my heart is bleeding- blood of sadness. It's burning- fire of revenge. Not who I used to be. My heart used to beam - glow of smiles. It used to burn- fire of aspirations. But unhappiness and hatred had sipped into my heart as I started seeing cruelties and unfairness in life. Some people uses status to trample on other. Their works pushed to their subordinates but the name... they'll take. No one enjoys being of the lower status. But the lower you are, the more you'll learn to appreciate others and respect them when you slowly but surely reach a higher status. Well, that is not always true.. You have to have a good soul to be good to others. And in a place like ehem ehem ( could be sensitive) ... those are the minorities.

Dun Worry... I've Seen The End, Before it Began

2007-03-18T02:26:00.000+08:00

I had been feeling very down...very sad...utterly sad. My dreams, lost. Like the lyrics in "Goodbye my Lover" by James Blunt, I saw the end before it began. I really do. The fault is me. I failed to make my move. I was contented waiting and was supposedly waiting for the right time. It never came. In fact, I don't even know what time is considered the 'right time'.

Life must go on, we all know that! And here I am, writing my first entry after more a month of absence. I hope Sheeren is still reading my blog. Coz, she's the only one who remembers every single entry that I wrote. From my love for the curry puffs sold near my home, to Snow White, my laptop.

I am a little happier today as I went out with my family for half a day. Boy! I missed that. I have not been doing that since staying in Tekong. I was happy shopping for anything that I forgot about all my misery at work and in my social relationship.

I also have more points to write in my thesis. And that makes me even more happier. One of my client called and he offered me to give some inputs to the creative aspect of a project. That makes me even much more happier.

I have more things to write about but it's getting late and I have classes tomorrow morning. So long now and expect another fresh post in this very blog anytime soon. :)

Missing Snow White

2007-01-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

After a month of sufficient rest, away from the dreadful island of Tekong, away from tension at work, I'll be going back there. I'm looking forward to it as I'll be handling my first intake. Admistrative Assistant or simply..clerks... are the most important people when it comes to enlistment. I will be in-charge of ensuring that all my recruits are present. It is a dumb-proof task but being in-charge of something after a long time feels good. Being 'Important' is satisfying.

I'll not be back for two weeks as my recruits will be confined on both. I'll miss snow white. I'll miss caressing her white skin. I'll miss the heat coming from her hard disk...I'll miss pressing her pads... i mean, her keypads. Snow white! you're so dear to me. I wanna bring you to Tekong dear.. But I cant get the LOA..letter of approval. That is your passport dear...:p

BATAM 171206

2006-12-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

If you know my brother and had read his blog; "www.always-farhansuperman.blogspot.com" you might have seen the same photos as the ones below. But the last time I visited his site, there's very little text and lots of photos.

Here's the catch. I am going to provide you with both photos and text, so that you can read about my trip to the Island of Batam. The trip wasn't exciting, nor was it very different from the previous trips that I went with my family members and relatives. However, I was in need of a trip away from Singapore to release tension at work.

It was a 2-days, 1-Night trip and we spent most of our time shopping at the different malls in Batam namely, Megamall, Nagoya Mall, and... I forgot the last one as it is the smallest of the three. I had exchanged S$100 and finishing up my rupiahs was a stressful mission. I bought a pair of trousers, a shirt and a belt but I still had a lot in hand. My plan was to finish the extra cash on a pair of shoes but I either can't find the right size or the price exceeded my budget. So, I trashed that plan. I decided to buy smaller items like souveniers for friends, key chains and a watch for myself. After buying them, I still had a few thousand rupiahs. I spent that on dinner at A&W; the restaurant that is no longer operating in Singapore.

We did not just shop. We also went go-karting. Only my siblings and a cousin of ours, participated. Among the five of us, only I had previous experience driving a go-kart. It was a painful experience as I skidded and crashed numerous times. I even spoilt a go-kart. I was keen not to face with the same experience this time round. The plan was not to rush and not to skid. Everything followed as planned, but I seemed to forget that winning a race should be the ultimate aim in go-karting. I was cruising instead of racing. I was the only racer/driver not to skid but what's the point?.. I was second last. However, I shouldn't be blamed fully for the lost. The go-kart that I was in, was apparently slower than the rest.

Alright...Enough of the talking. Enjoy the pics below!

What a Rush?!

2006-12-16T02:04:00.000+08:00

A rush week. Well, with the exception of Monday and Tuesday. On Wednesday, my company organized a dinner where everyone was invited. I had duty on that day but was forced to change my duty. I had no choice. They threatened to do a blanket party on me if I failed to turn up. Besides, it's my fault for not telling them earlier.

Hence, I had to search for people who are willing to replace my duty with theirs. It was not an easy task. Almost every soul that I asked refused. I was scratching my head hoping to find a solution to the problem. I had to change my duty. Then, I was left with one more person. I was lipsing a prayer as waited for the person to pick up my call.... Well, let's skip the dialogue. He agreed. But to my disadvantage. His duty was on Saturday and will end on the Sunday. And on Sunday, my family has planned for a two day trip to Batam. So when my duty ends on Sunday morning at about 0745hrs, I have to rush to the ferry terminal to catch the 0800hrs ferry.

My suffering didn't end there. Thursday was the dispersal day for my recruits; I had to send their dockets up to the Manpower Branch. That was my first dispersal and I was aiming to make minimal errors. But on Thursday, I also had a medical checkup at a clinic in Chinatown at 1600hrs. Therefore, on that day, I booked in at 1200hrs to make final checks to the dockets, booked out at 1400hrs to rush to Chinatown by MRT. I booked back in at 1730hrs and continued with the dispersal and bringing up the dockets. Imagine running from one place to another for 6 hours straight! I couldn't even believe I made it. I did pretty well for this stage of the dispersal as I was not the last company to send up the dockets.

Friday was a rush too. But only in the morning. I had to send up the SISPEC dockets and there were plenty of them. I was too lazy to make numerous trips to Manpower. So, I decided to bring up the whole drawer filled with 58 SISPEC dockets. For this part of the dispersal, I did well, in fact excellent, as I was the first to send in the dockets. And as bonus, there are no mistakes to any of the SISPEC dockets. I was so happy with my achievement that I decided to lax the rest day as a form of a reward.

Today will be another rush day for me. I am mentally prepared to face it.

Say it or not to say it

2006-12-03T15:17:00.000+08:00

I got something to ask you.
errr..
Do you...
errr..
I got something to say but..but I....
errr...

I LLLL...
LLLL....
ehm...

errr..
ehm..
haiz..

1st post after a long lull

2006-12-03T15:01:00.000+08:00

As the title suggests, it's been quite some time since I last wrote anything on 'Typing Thoughts'. I didn't grow bored of blogging. I just had very little time to write.

For the past few weeks, I was trying to make my blog look nicer. I had the design all sorted out and laid out nicely in front of me, in my computer. I was all geared up to dress my blog with brand new design that I had just designed. But I fumbled at the backend stuffs. I am a multimedia graduate and I thought I knew so much about the internet. I though HTML was my playground. However, I had anticipated the vast challenge that HTML possess. CSS never looked so tough. I gave up after a while and decided to use the preseted design while I improve my knowledge and mastery in HTML and CSS.

If only our memory is plug and play

2006-11-05T21:15:00.000+08:00

Computers are created to increase productivity. They sure did. We can do research through the internet without even stepping into the library, without even flipping through books. Some prefer the classic feeling of flipping books than scrolling down html text, but heck! that is not what I want to talk about.

How I wish humans have 'plug and play' functions just like computers. Haha... Just imagine, you are losing your memory. You kept forgetting your girlfriend's birthday. Then it got worst. You forgot her phone number....her address....her NAME!! You must do something to save your relationship! You bought this 2GB memory chip and plug it into...hmm a memory chip slot that was located....hmmm....somewhere inside your brain? Now you have 2GB of memory space. Enough to remember everything about her. You relationship saved! lol... What if things like that exist? hmm... science fiction.. Someone should make a movie based on this idea you know; humans with bionic memory... call it "My Boyfriend remembers my birthday!" or "BM(bionic memory) man" or "I can remember anything!" or something more family-orientated like "Memory Chips for Grandpa" ...hmmm... Creative...

A card from her....

2006-10-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

When was the last time I received a hari raya? What about a greeting card..well, any greeting cards? I have no idea. But I know it was years ago. Greeting cards are things of the yesteryears since e-cards took over. Personally, I never used e-cards. It is cheap and interactive but I feel that it is not practical. Besides, there is no sentimental value to it.

I remember the days when hari raya cards came in abundance during... well hari raya of course. I waited for greeting cards from friends and relatives days before hari raya. When they finally came, my heart jumped with joy. Seldom do I not see myself smiling while reading through the greetings no matter how stupid or unsincere they might sound. I would then hang the cards for every visitor to see. Haha..gone are those days.

Never did I expect to receive any more cards from anyone on hari raya. But I did. It just came today. Not from a friend I've known since secondary school or polytechnic. She is a friend whom I just got to know a few months back. Thanks to friendster.com (friendster.com webmasters, if you are reading this, can you please kindly pay me a commission. I just advertised your website. Thanks! :p ) If you are reading this Shirin, I want to say a million thanks for sending that card and for being a regular visitor to this blog. Hmm.. as for the lunch that I promised for telling me who gave you my address, I will try my best to remember it. haha.. Just buzz me if I forgot.

Muacks! Muacks! That's all that I can give you for now. Hope those two flying kisses from me in Tampines to and a princess (that's you rite!) in Ang Mo Kio are enough to make you smile. I'm not expecting a ear-to-ear smile. But a cheek to cheek smile from you could create a ear-to-ear smile on my face. Hehe..

This post I dedicate to you, my promise as mentioned in my SMS. Smile more Shirin yah. May you be blessed with 'barakah' and may 'nur' light up your house with family warmth.

Yawning Yazid Yawns as he wrote a blog

2006-10-25T00:42:00.000+08:00

0000hrs. We just came back from our hari raya visits. I'm so tired and sleepy, I can't wait to jump on my bed. Sleeping will not be problem for me today. There is no need for me to wait to jump on my bed. I can do that anytime, even now. But I choose not to. I have no idea why. I guess it is my habit to switch on my com everytime I see it. But when I switched it on, I don't know what to do with it except to use MSN and check e-mails.

Hmm.. Actually, there is one pending assignment for me to do on my com. I have to do a 250 words essay entitled "Di Bawah Naungan Al-Quran"... I'm not an expert in translating but from my understanding, it means "Under the care of Al-Quran". 250 words seemed little but it is tough when you have nothing or minimal things to write. I have completed the assignment yesterday afternoon but it is still not up to my satisfaction. I feel that is it not comprehensive enough. Besides that, the sentence structure is weak and uninteresting. If I am not sleepy, I might do the changes now, but I am sleepy. So, the changes can wait till tomorrow.

Today, my relatives and my family visited about 5 houses. It has been our family tradition to go out together on the first day of hari raya. I got tired from one house to another. My dressing look sloppier after each house visit.

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s;,dsl/t.nttnnnm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.t.lnn.......

Opps sorry! I slept on my keyboard :p

TWENTY TWO TEN

2006-10-22T01:46:00.000+08:00

As I sipped my coffee, I read my previous posts on this very blog. My first post was way back in February. I smiled to myself as I reminisce events that happened months ago. There were happy events, sad events, and events that sent me fuming in anger. Nevertheless, those emotionally-varied events inspired me to write, and to share with others my thoughts and feelings.

Some of my posts made me look so silly especially those that were written while I was angry. It was humourous to see how emotional and sensitive I was. I scolded, said or rather...wrote crude words to express my frustrations. However, I remembered that I felt good after writing those posts. They released my tension and made me forget about what angered me...at least for a while. I think they kept me sane.

Only my brother and myself is at home now. The others are out shopping for Hari Raya stuffs at where else but Geylang Serai. My brother and I are too tired to follow them. Besides, we hate shopping with our sisters especially when they went shopping for clothes or shoes. They are so choosy that it will take them an hour to choose 1 pair of shoes that they like, an hour more to choose their dress, and an hour to rethink thier choices. No no... no shopping with sisters. NO...

My bro has gone to bed. I am writing this blog to keep myself awake. I don't need to but I don't feel like sleeping now. Besides, I have drank nearly 3/4 of my glass of coffee. The caffiene drug is keeping me awake.

What else to write? What else? Oh...my other family members are back...Chioz!

Dream Gal

2006-10-21T16:37:00.000+08:00

She appeared in my dreams again. WHY?! I was taking a nap after cleaning the windows in my family's 5-room flat. Then, she appeared in my dreams. She was like how I remembered her when we were in TMS. Short hair, bespectacled and an active young lady.

She was playing tennis. She had her back to me. But her aura was familiar. I jogged towards her. I was jogging but it felt like I was strolling. Then suddenly, she was chasing after me. We were laughing and playing catch. Her laughter filled the air while I tried to maintain a cool, modest smile. Dreams are indeed wierd.

I have been telling myself to forget about her. I tried to meet more girls, talk to them more but when the thought of having special relationship crossed my mind, she leads. She is tough to forget especially with recurrent dreams of her. She felt so close, yet so far from me. I wanted to meet her.. ask her out...at least call her.. but I'm not sure myself. Arrgh..Yazid..Yazid..what's wrong with you?

Fortunate Late Book Out

2006-10-14T01:40:00.000+08:00

Friday is my book out day. At least, by right it should be my book out day. I was suppose to book out at 5pm. But yesterday, my encik gave me a last minute task to work on. It is a simple task, look for XXX file. But the problem is, I couldn't find the file. He told me that my upperstudy had saved it. I called my upperstudy to get the file's location but he wasn't being helpful. He was kind of pissed with me for always asking him questions regarding work. But FUCK! I am a newbie, there are so much for me to learn. How to learn without asking? STUPID UPPERSTUDY!

10 minutes to my break fast, I gave up my search for the file. I am confident my upperstudy did not save it. I booked out only at 1900hrs instead of 1700hrs due to the frustrating search that bears no fruits. I was lucky enough to be allowed to book out yesterday but I was unlucky to miss the ferry at 1900hrs. Hence, I have to wait 30 minutes for the next ferry. But fortunately for me, some SSGs saw me sitting alone in the waiting area. They invited me to take the Avalanche (speed boat) with them. WOW! It was a great experience. If I had not booked out at 1900hrs, I don't think I can have a chance to experience that.

Like they say, ' Blessing in disguise'.

In the verge of a breakdown: Part 1...I guess

2006-10-07T21:46:00.000+08:00

It has been some time since I last posted anything on this blog. I wanted to write something but my conscience stopped me from doing so. Recently, I've been asking myself, "Why am I writing blogs? What is my intention...really? Why do I feel sad when I look at my blog and found out that no one posted a comment or tagged anything?". Sometimes, plans to close my blog crossed my mind. There is nothing special in my life anyway.

I am feeling very sad at the moment. Never had I felt this bad before. I have been imagining things, worrying about things that I am not supposed to. I have been thinking about issues like having a girl like most 20yr olds, earning money to help my parents pay for my University studies that will start in 2 years time, and get a driving license. My NS allowance of $350 per month will never be enough. Furthermore, I know that I can go only as far as getting a Corporal rank that pays only about $420. That amount is too little to plan for anything. Well, simple mathematics... A single driving lesson session costs about $24. If I am not wrong, we have to got for 25 lessons?.. A driving test cost a few hundred bucks. Hence, to get a license, I need at least $1000 bucks in my pocket. This equates to about 4 months of my allowance. Then, how about my University fees? Is it worth it for me to spend my 4 month allowance on a driving license that does not guarantee me a personal vehicle?

I'm working now although just an NSF. But I am already feeling the heat and burden of financial planning. $350 is too little to plan for anything. But I shouldn't complain, I am 'jia lat' from the start. I am a PES C personnel and is 'just' doing clerical work. I shouldn't complain.

Then, the issue about having a girl. Peer pressure is getting over me. Almost all my friends have a girl. They keep talking and sharing their plans of going out with their girl on the next book out. I can just sit there and curse myself. I felt hopeless and my family did nothing to help. In fact, they sometimes unintentionally make it worst. I hate it when my family members start comparing my physical attributes with my brother. Yes! He's more good-looking than I am, broader sholders. BUT WHAT FUCK! why do you like to compare me with him?! I KNOW I am not less good-looking and have a smaller figure. STOP repeating that! When I got angry because of that, they will avoid talking to me and said that I am the one who is overly-sensitive. Am I?! I can stand it if they said it once or twice. But they have been saying that for years! CAN THEY STOP MAKING ME FEEL HOPELESS?! I need some confidence to go out there and ask a girl out. How do I do that if my own family kept making me feel as though I am not good enough for any girl?

I have other complains in life but I think I'll save them for my other posts. I am feeling the load of angst in my chest. It is too heavy. So, I decided to release some of them on this post.

Awww... I dun mind not travelling for this

2006-09-13T00:53:00.000+08:00

Before I passed out from BMT, I thought of 101 things to do during my bloc-leave. I wanted to travel, I wanted to go out with friends, and I wanted to rest till I have no choice but to re-tune myself to army life. However, like always, my plans never worked out.

I forgot that my parents are looking after my baby cousin, Darwish. Oh, I cannot see babies and little children. I will run to them and start playing with them. I would pinch their chubby cheeks, carry them and do the "a-ga-ga" thingy with them. Trust me, I'm very good at entertaining kids because when I start playing with them, I become just like them. But babies...I am not very confident. They look so fragile with their weak neckbones that couldn't support their head. So, since my parents had to take care of Darwish, I decided to cancel all my plans and help them out with that.

Darwish is a cute baby...well, aren't all babies cute? He wants ppl to entertain him and talk to him. Sometimes, when we talk to him, he replies in a language that only babies can understand...I think. Then, he will smile, showing his cherry-red gums. Darwish also has this habit of frowning. I don't really know why he does that but it's cute...Well, everthing that a baby does is cute.

Looking after Darwish is fairly easy because he seldom cries except for yesterday. He was wailing non-stop for minutes that it got my mom worried. We tried giving him milk and we carried him around the house countless time. But his wailings did not stop. We were tired. So, we laid him down on his mat and stuffed a pacifier into his mouth. He refused it at first but he soon started sucking it. Minutes later, he was soundly asleep, hugging his mini bolster. Awww....so cute... Case solved! Darwish needed sleep!

Well, I need a good night sleep too. So long!

Ego blinded me

2006-09-10T21:37:00.000+08:00

5 September 2006, the last day of our BMT. It was the moment each Ulysses Worrior have been waiting for. Finally, a good rest after 7 weeks of training. Though we were under the modified BMT, I believe it was no doubt an achievement for many recruits in Ulysses Coy. Our perseverance, endurance and integrity were put to the test. We had to wake up at 5:30am and had to ensure that everyone was awake at that time. We pushed one another to give ourselves that bit of mental strength to carry on. We teach one another so that neither of us will suffer. We scolded one another, only to forget about it the next day. The brotherhood and camaraderie was there. It was something none of us can ever forget.

I spoke to a few more people on the final two days of BMT and I found out that although I am from a middle-income family, I am lucky. At least I have a passport. At least I have the chance to go to Johor Bahru. I have friends in BMT who are not as lucky. They do not have those privilages. For 20 years, I thought Singaporeans own passports like Identity Cards but I was wrong. Then, It struck me; my impression of Singaporeans in other aspects can also be wrong. When I thought that I cannot get all that I wanted, there are people out there who can never even hope for one.

POC! POC!

2006-09-02T08:45:00.000+08:00

6 odd weeks ago, I had trouble waking myself up at 5:30am. Sleeping at 10:30pm was a challenge too. I had to push myself everyday. My nicer platoonmates say that I am 'garang'. The less nice ones say that I 'wayang'. But I know that I am neither. My intention of being early and being very on for everything is to test myself. To see how far my mind can gain control over my body.What's the use of being 'garang'? Why the need to 'wayang'?

Four days left to my POC or Passing Out Ceremony. I yearn to go for the Passing Out Parade like all the PES A and B recruits. But I'm in PES C and apparently my medical condition prevents me from being under the hot sun for long hours. Hence, I have to be contented with doing 'Sai Kang' or hard labour to celebrate our graduation from Basic Military School.

Four days left and suddenly my BMT experience felt so short. The friends that I made, the laughter that we had, the punishments that we endured, and the singing to the cookhouse are memorable events that will be embedded in my mind and heart forever.

MATTERS OF MY HEART

2006-08-19T09:09:00.000+08:00

Matters of the heart always attract people, especially girls. hehe... And for this post, I'm going to do exactly that; sharing with my blog visitors some questions and issues pertaining to my heart..haha

Well, my heart is clogged with questions. Most of them are classic questions such as "To go or not to go into an affair?" This simple question will branch out into more complex questions like "If I go into an affair, can I commit myself to it?", "What about my studies, will I be distracted?", "How sure I am that the relationship can last?", "Is she really the one for me?" and many more. I often stop thinking about girls and close my ears when friends around me were sharing their outings with their so-called girlfriends. People say that love is all about the heart. Love is guided by a system that bypass the brain. But I don't believe it that theory. Love to me requires the use of both brains and heart. Notice that there is an 'S' at the end of brain and not heart. I feel that a lot of thinking...and I mean MASSIVE amout of thinking is required to build a long-lasting relationship. Haha...I'm not a LOVE GURU...If I am, why am I still single?...haha...

Hmm...I think I should stop now. I should stop entertaining my broken heart. It has been fixed with super-glue but it is still fragile. Ok, I should also stop listening to love songs too...and romance dramas and movies too.......ARRRGH! Matters of the heart SUX!

My BMT life... So Far

2006-08-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

Life in BMT is not as tough as I thought. While in NCC 4 years ago, there were rumours going around that those who had undergone NCC will not go through BMT. Well, it didn't happen and I'm glad it didn't. If it did, Singapore will not have qualified soldiers to defend her. I was a staff sergeant then. I was a god damn unit drill instructor. I passed my IMT or Individual Marksmanship Training, my IFC or Individual Field Craft minus the leopard crawl with live rounds shooting right above my head. I experienced all of them but our brains are designed to forget. They are designed to delete whatever is unneccessary..well, some are neccessary.

So, I forgot some things. OK OK...most of the things. But my experience earned me respect from my fellow platoon mates. Don't get me wrong. I did not go around 'wayang'ing and shouting to the whole platoon that I was an NCC Staff Sergeant. I am a person who retired from lying since primary 4 when I was given a good bashing by my father in front of visitors for telling a lie.

My sergeant asked my platoon who got NCC background becoz we needed a person to represent my company, ULYSSES! to receive a rifle from the OC. I raised up my hand....... only me.... he then asked," What's your rank?" I couldn't lie. I couldn't start lying again. Well, you know my reply. And I represented ULYSSES company to receive my rifle and my SAF handbook from the OC. My platoon looked up to me and I never felt so respected before. It's a great feeling being looked up to by mates but it can also be a bad thing. That is the reason why I constantly remind myself that I am no one. I hv only ISLAM and ALLAH to thank for reminding me.

Talking about ISLAMIC values. I tell u, it works even on the kafiruns. I was IC for my platoon for the first 6 days of BMT. I lead them following the Islamic values taught by our prophet muhammad. I carried out my duty responsibly and was patient with my platoon mates who had difficulties marching well. I maintained good rapport with them and lead them with great respect coz I am no one.

Back to the story of my BMT. I still have 21 odd days to go in Tekong. My commanders are not being kind by always reminding us that we are just going to be in the service sector, being clerks and technicians. Ironically, they would say we are better than the PES A people who will be channeled to the more 'garang' combat sector. These commanders are from the combat sector. Only stupid people will believe them when they say PES C is the better batch. Who would look down on themselves?!

This monday will be my Field Camp. The highlight is leopard crawling 100m with live rounds shooting above our heads. Leopard crawling is tiring. I tried it a few days ago for less than 10m and I am damn shagged. I am nervous...yes. But YAZID SAFARUAN never chickens out. He will do anything to prove to himself that he is wrong. Next Sunday will be my hand granade throw. I did badly in the training. But once again, I will try my best.

SAI KANG WORRIORS. That is what my company mates will be when we graduate from BMT. Combat sector lads look down on us. Never mind! I am angry with anyone who looks down on me but never mind! I got a good record of proving people wrong.

My Sweetheart, I Love You!

2006-07-16T23:49:00.002+08:00

I finally found my sweetheart. She's so beautiful I fell for her at first sight.

I called her Snow White as her skin is so fair like the famous fairytale character. I touched her and handled her with such tenderness that's so not me. I love her so I couldn't stand being apart from her.

But NS will soon separate us. I know you wouldn't miss me. But I will. Luckily, we will only be apart for 2 weeks...Not too long..Not too long...Not too long Yazid.

A Stroke Of Genius

2006-07-11T17:39:00.000+08:00

School ended months ago. National Service is in a week time (not looking foward to that though). Freelance jobs not going the way I wanted it to. My passion towards designing things is making me restless. I am missing something in my life, that is DESIGN. I was 9 years old when I made my first series of comic which I called 'HM Team' or Hyper Mutants team. I had given the three-books-series to my younger cousins whom I think have thrown them away..haha..just so that my childhood legacy lives on. So that the one who throws those beautiful memories is not me and not anyone who lives under the same roof as me. I still remember HM team's leader..haha..Catman...haha..What a cheesy name?! haha.. His specials powers are cheesier...HAHA

I was bored at home. Extremely bored that I would even consider showering myself under the heavy rain outside. haha... I sat down in my empty room. My younger brother is at Aceh and will only be back on Friday. How badly I miss his afternoon nap snore. How I miss quarrelling with him. How badly I miss joking and talking football language with him. Frankly, I never thought I would miss him this badly. But I did. The boredom that I have been facing these few weeks added to my missing him.

As I sat down, I thought of doing something that I loved doing before my polytechnic days; drawing comics. I thought of the most exciting story. It didn't take long for me to come out with a story I called 'I WAS ALI'. I will not share the full idea. Not in a blog where any tom,dick,harry can see. I choose to be professional. My ideas will now be given certificates of confidentiality. haha...I'm not joking.

Basically, it is an animation (well, I thought of doing a comic but I guess animating the characters will be more fun) about a guy named Ali who found something that can make him into a different person. Well, you should count yourself lucky. I just told you the main gist of the story...haha..I think this is one of my best ideas I have ever come out with. That's the reason or probably and excuse for the confidentiality.

I have big dreams for this idea. I want to buy a server one day and create a website specially for 'I WAS ALI'. It will be like 'Happy Three Friends'. 'I WAS ALI' will also be a series. Each short episode will have a different story but the episodes tie with one another, similar to CSI's style. It is a dream which I HOPE I can achieve one day. This is a personal project to constantly wet my brain cells and keep it working.

Thank You to Allah who has gracefully provided me this inspiration. That's it for now, I'm going to start storybording the prolougue episode of 'I WAS ALI'; The Different Me...

Italy World Champion!

2006-07-10T13:21:00.000+08:00

FORZA ITALIA!! CONGRATS ITALIA!! World Champions ah...Cheybedah! WA CAYA SAMA LU OLANG AH! Wa happy busat2 sampay gua talak molek tidok ah! Gua lasa mcm gua yg menang itu World Cup ah!

The final match wasn't the most exciting match of the tournament. To be fair, if we base solely on this morning's match, France clearly deserve to win. But the opposite happened. To me, it was unlucky on thier part as Zidane was red-carded after committing a suicidal challenge on Materrazzi. His send-off hit me hard as Zidane's muslim name is Yazid. Gosh! A Yazid brother got sent of in a World Cup final! That is a disaster for the Yazid clan.:p

Italy was so defensive that throughout the game, I got my heart in my mouth. Images of me crying and banging the TV set as France lift the World Cup start to flash before me. I couldn't stand seeing an Azzuri defeat. Their journey to the final was magical.

I watched the match with my dad. He's a neutral supporter. He likes neither Italy nor France. To be exact, he only likes Maradonna. *rolls eyes*... Before the match, my mom predicted my dad would sleep throughout the match....Well, he did. He was snoring on a sofa right across where I was sitting. The pressure of seeing France constantly attacking the italian defence plus my dad's snoring created the most stressful atmosphere.

The match was level at 90mins. Extra also see no goals. So it was down to penalties. The commentators were starting to act like fortunetellers. They think Italy might lose on penalties since they have never only won one penalty shootout out of five. But Italians are not maths experts. Statistics means nothing to them.

Pirlo took the first shootout and...SCORES! I punched the air and smiled so widely until the first French player stood confidently to take the team's first. He scored.. I had my head down. Materazzi was second to take for Italy...HE SLAMMED HIS SHOT TO THE RIGHT HAND CORNER! Barthez the clown had no chance. Then the arrogant-looking Trezeguet stepped up. Everything seemed to be in slow-mo... He got his eyes focused on the Teamgeist golden ball..He ran up to it..He took a shot...Oh no! Buffon went the wrong way...The ball looked like it was going in...NO! it hits the post and out...I wanted to shout but dad might wake up. So, I didn't. After that, all the other remaining players scored their spot-kicks. Trezeguet's miss proved very costly.

Italians are Champions once again. Based on their performance this morning, I must say they don't deserve it. But they showed great mental strength and discipline throughout the competition. And if we based on that, they truly deserve it!!

NOTHING IS GOING RIGHT FOR ME!!!!!

2006-07-08T13:36:00.000+08:00

There's ups and downs in life. How I wish I can stay in the middle and maintain that. To be high up is no good. To be way down is more worse.

I had many ups in my design life. My designs ranges from satisfactory to good. Never best. But I prefer it that way. Multimedia design is my love since my second year in design school. But nowadays, as I step into pre-working life, hoping to gain experience, I feel I have hit rock bottom in my design life.

I have done three design freelance jobs so far but none produced the same satisfaction I got from designing while in design school. All my designs are not accepted. I have not gone complacent because for all those jobs, I have put my heart into them. If not 100%, I'm sure I have at least put in not less than 70% of my effort. But corporate design is so much different from doing designs in school. You cannot be too creative with your ideas. That is one thing I have to quickly pick up.

Another reason why my designs didn't shine was because of the clients. Some of my clients are so inconsiderate. How can I ever produce something of a certain quality when I was given less than 24 hours to design?! That 24 hours did not just include design but programming too! Another client gave OKs for my designs during meetings but said KO when my contract ends. WTH!

I want to do more design and try to redeem myself but NS is just around the corner..HELL!...Some companies that I worked with said "We'll try giving you some projects if we have any?"..But I don't dare hope. I retired from hoping after my 4 years hope for a girl failed.

I've been doing a couple of freelance for design firms. I think I should start going solo and build up my confidence AGAIN....hmph!!

Step aside "Total Football", "Joga Bonito"

2006-07-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

So, Italy are through to the final. Not many people like that because they claimed Italy is a boring team, Italy rely to much on set-pieces and all the other craps...Yes, crap is the best word to describe all those claims. Do they even know what is good football?

Pele invented the so-called "beautiful" game. I don't see soccer as beautiful. I prefer calling it exciting. Try playing beutifully againts aggressive teams...You are sure to lose. But don't worry, the world will sympathize you coz YOU played "beautifully".

Johan Cryuff is another dumbo who invented this concept which I strongly feel equates to stupidity. Total Football..What the heck is total football?...Elaborate please... Apparently, it is highly attacking football using the 4-3-3 formation. The thing I don't understand is, people are treating total football as THE way to play soccer..I say...What HECK! Holland has been using that concept religiously without earning anything out of it...

Tactics and strength is the way to win a match. See, this is not a dumb concept that I invented. It is logic. DUH!

The Singapore Team showed it and now the Italians. In modern football, you can't win matches by blindly attacking and playing total football or dancing your way into the defence(if you get through). The most that you will get are praises and popularity. You need intelligence. And that's what the Singapore Team is building on and the Italians has aplenty. The Singapore Soccer team showed that in the 2005 Tiger Cup and won it gallantly. They even earned the top spot among South-East Asian countries in the FIFA world ranking. Singapore didn't play very beautiful football. They played football not just with their hearts...but their brains. Just like the Italians..

Ayam Penyet Power!

2006-06-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

BBQ Chicken Rice, Lemon Chicken Rice, Roasted Chicken Rice, Steamed Chicken Rice are some of the types of Chicken Rice found in our tiny island of Singapore. Chicken Rice as we all know is originally a Chinese dish. But have you ever tasted Chicken Rice Javanese style. They call it Nasi Ayam Penyet. Nasi is a Malay term for Rice while Ayam means Chicken. Penyet in the other hand means crushed.

Some of you like my dad might go,"What so special about crushed chicken served on Chicken Rice?"...Yes, there's nothing extremely special about it but this Chicken rice is served with the tasty Sambal Belacan (a javanese delicacy that is loved my true javanese), tempe (stuffed soya beans..also a javanese speciality) and lots of vege. Add those assortments to the plain Chicken Rice coupled with a tinge of soup, and you will get one tasty experience.

A word of caution..Do not smell your fingers after you had them dipped into Sambal Belacan. It taste nice. But it smells bad. However, the best tasting belacan is the worst smelling ones...trust me! Coz I am Javanese...

Back after a week

2006-06-27T22:56:00.000+08:00

A week gone since I last posted anything on this very blog. Some of you might have tried going to this website but failed. I had actually changed the address to suit the new name for my blog; THE LONE RANGER. But based on the number of tags in my tagboard...which equals to none throughout the past week, I realized that changing the address wasn't the best move. So, here I am. Back to yazidez.blogspot.com...

"The Lone Ranger" is a term so synonymous to me, and to my life. I remember when I was in secondary 1, my friends used to call me that because I was always seen alone. When walking back home with them I would walk behind them or in front of them instead of with them. It was not because I was unsociable but I needed some warming-up before I got close to anyone. "The Lone Ranger" also reflect my singlehood. You can put it that I want to shout out to the world that I am single because I really am. But it is no longer my priority in life. I kind of got fed-up with it. Maybe, if I still couldn't find my dream girl, I'll be happy to settle for an arranged marriage. But the problem is..is there any girl in this world around my age who prefers or is okay with that system.

Well...Let's not beat around the bush. I was heartbroken. I found my dream girl. But perhaps, she's meant to just be a dream. I am no longer heartbroken. Perhaps, I got it fixed within these 7 days. I have taught myself that love for another person will never last. In fact, it always hurts. Love for Allah and Muhammad s.a.w is everlasting. Dun get me wrong. I'm not going to sacrifice all my life only to ibadah or prayers. I am not prepared to be a monk or a synonymous of it. I will LIKE and fully appreciate a girl but will never succumb to loving her.

Love to me is like a scent. It will smell so nice at one point of time. But when you lose it, you will never know how to get it back. Liking a person in the other hand is like a flower. As long as you shower it with lots of cooperation and understanding, this flower will continue to bloom and grow.

My search for a dream girl will pause for now. NS will make me busy. Soon...the university will take up more of my time. I wish I can find a girl in the University coz my dream girl must be someone intelligent, and full of respect towards others especially to the elders. Why? Coz I wanna be able to discuss things with her and I want her to be the best in-law my parents can ever hope for. My girl will not be for myself but for my parents.. I'm not a mama's boy but I hope to be a filial son till the end of my life.

I'm losing my memory...haha

2006-06-21T20:39:00.000+08:00

If Professor Klutz (if I remember clearly) in Nutty Professor 2 was losing his intelligence, I think I am losing my memory.

This morning, I was deployed by mother to go to the market to buy some....things ( I don't quite remember the things) Ummm...I went there by bicycle and I came back without. I didn't realize it until 3 hours later when mother asked about my bike. I had parked my bike at the market's bicycle kiosk (luckily I remebered tat part).

So, that ends my story. It's not as dramatic as Nutty Professor 2 but I hope you enjoyed laughing at my forgetfulness.

Just Beat it..

2006-06-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

I'm writing this to comfort myself.
I'm in pain.
It's my pain.
I'll share my happiness.
But my pain should be kept to myself.

Then why write?
Why post in a blog where everyone can see?
I guess I want to tell people that I am in pain.
And that's what matters.
Nothing more than that.

I don't blame anyone.
How can I?
I brought this pain.
Micheal Learn To Rock sang 25 minutes.
I might as well sing 4 years too late.

My itunes though programmed to shuffle play,
kept playing sentimental songs.
I wonder if apple computer has installed a device to detect a person's mood.

Well, now it is playing 'Beat it' by Micheal Jackson.
I guess I should just Beat it.

Electronically Driven

2006-06-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

Electronic gadgets have always caught my interest. When I was young, I often pleaded (well, it looked more like begged) my parents to buy me a pair of walkie talkies; one for me, and the other for my sis. We didn't really know why we need them. Neither did our parents. So, they never bought us the walkie talkies. Nah..We didn't throw tantrums because if we did, we would be given a hammering by our father. I just cried myself to bed.

When I was in secondary school,I wanted a PDA. And once again, I didn't really know why I need it. But unlike the walkie talkie story, I got my PDA. However, I soon found out that I didn't need them. So, I sold them away.

Nowadays, I will only buy electronic items after weighing its neccesity. For example, before I bought my current handphone which is the Sony Ericsson Z520i, I looked through its functions and see if I would use them often. The advance functions that this phone posess are VGA camera, Bluetooth and infra-red. I need the Bluetooth and infra-red technology to ease transfer of files from others handphones or from a computer to mine. I need the VGA camera because it allows me to continue with my photography hobby since I lost my Canon digital camera in Cambodia two years ago.

Talking about photography, I think I am growing to like it more. The VGA camera function on my handphone doesn't produce the best quality picture that I wanted. I am thinking of buying another Canon Powershot camera. My siblings have been asking me why I prefer the Powershot series to the IXUS which is much slimmer and looks 'designish'. I don't really know why. I guess I am emotionally attached to the Powershot camera that I lost in Cambodia. My next camera must look like the one that I lost. hehe..

There's also another gadget that I am eyeing for. It is the Dupod. But I won't jump off the cliff and buy it now despite having the money from my recent paycheck. I guess I will buy it when I step into University where my schedule will get much tighter and time management gets toughers.

PP...Picnic-Pasir-Ris

2006-06-18T16:12:00.000+08:00

It is Father's Day today. What better way to spend this day which also falls on the Sunday, with my family and relatives especially my father and uncles. Well after all, it is father's day.

We had picnic at Pasir Ris Park. We pitched our tent not near the beach but near a huge, damp field. It might sound like the worst area anyone can have a picnic. But it is definitely not an unappropriate place to have it as there is a BBQ pit nearby. Personally, I like that area because it allows me to release my extreme desire to play football. Futhermore, it is the World Cup season.

There were lots of food to savour but I only had the 'Nasi Sambal Goreng' as I wasn't feeling very hungry. Besides, I was more interested to play soccer with my cousins. I think I played quite well today. I handled the ball confidently and my passes often met the target. But my stamina wasn't the best. My lungs were thumping so hard to take in oxygen that I retired from the match after 30 or 40 minutes of play. My head felt giddy and for a moment I thought I was going to have a relapse of my fits. Thankfully, it didn't happen.

After a few minutes, all my other cousins and my brother, Farhan retired from the match. Lethargy has taken over them. We sat down together and chatted. We chatted about the World Cup of course, and music. As usual, I also entertained my younger cousins with childish jokes that only they will laugh at. At the same time, I lazily snapped photos of them using my humble Sony Ericsson phone...Following are some of the shots:-

Our picnic lasted from 7am to 1pm. I enjoyed myself today...

I am still sleepy from this early morning World Cup match. Before I start blabbing nonsense, I am going to stop here for now...and take a nap...or rather a sleep................

Another Job!

2006-06-17T22:56:00.000+08:00

My freelance Media Producer contract ended just two days ago. I thought I would be bored till my NS enlistment in late July. But it was never to be. Someone who met me during my graduation day contacted me this afternoon and asked if I would like to work for him on some web-flash stuff. I wasn't very hopeful at first, as most clients whom I'd approached turned down my application as soon as I told them that I have not completed my NS. However, though I have less than a month before my NS, the guy is ok with it. It was also very appreciative to hear that he took his time to look through my portfolio site despite it being hosted on a free server.

He told me that he will contact me again on Monday to tell me about the details such as the pay (MONEY..MONEY...MONEY $$$$$) Hope everything goes well...:D

Record-breaking feat

2006-06-17T02:48:00.000+08:00

I have never written a blog at this hour. But there is always a first time for everything right? Haha... I just couldn't put myself to bed. I was sleepy a few hours ago while updating my site. So, I had coffee to perk me up. Now, I can't sleep. I'm writing this post for the record...:D

The Ivory Coast- Netherlands match ended a few hours ago. Not the best match I've seen in this world cup but it was entertaining despite it being very physical. I like neither team. But since my brother is rooting for Netherlands, I had to back Ivory Coast. Just to create a more tense environment. Trust me...It was really tense. My brother looked pissed when I shouted my hearts out as Ivory Coast slotted in a goal past the Netherland's keeper. They were down by two goals though. Netherlands held on to win the game.

Ok...that's it for now. I'm off to watch the 3am match. This will be the first time I'm watching the 3am match. Another record!

F*CK!

2006-06-16T23:22:00.000+08:00

I just feel like shouting out that crude word. Not once but several times. Nothing is going right for me. The Angelfire server that I am using to host my site is currently doing ludicrous things like playfully popping up advertisements. And my computer, though posing a 512 MB RAM is struggling to cope with four programmes running at the same time.

F*CK! FU*K!

I am also waiting hopefully for something that has yet to come. I just hate waiting.

Damn! my mind is in a mess now just like my hair. Better not continue...

Start Praising People...but..

2006-06-16T17:51:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not, praising others is encouraged in Islam. This is beacause this action can make a person feel better. For me, I need a constant dose of praises each day. I know it is too much to ask for and there is not much about me that's worth praising. Hence, I will praise myself sometimes in front of a mirror so as to keep myself motivated. I wouldn't recommend this practice to anyone as it could lead to vanity.

I have always loved the curry puffs (karipap) that are sold at a stall near my home. Unlike those sold at most Mamak shops or the ones sold after friday prayers in front the mosque, this one is fantastic. Everything about it is perfect. They are crispy and they have more meat than potatoes. The sauce is the best anyone has ever tasted. You can even save some of the sauce for other delicacies like keropok. But, I prefer not to save any. I would soak the puffs with sauce. Although the puffs will turn less cripy, they will be more juicy.

(top) Me enjoying the curry puff

(top) This is how I like it served; soaked

I am a fan of his curry puffs and I told the vendor exactly that. And he seemed happy hearing those comments. Since then, when I came by his stall to buy what else but his curry puffs, he would give me the freshly-baked ones.

Start praising people. They'll love it. But please be true to them. No use being a hypocrite.

Now I'm bored

2006-06-15T17:30:00.000+08:00

Today was our last day of work. We were released pretty early coz there were not much to be done. I arrived at the office at 9:30 sharp only to find our booked room occupied. I came early coz unlike my other two collegues, I have not completed my task which was given to me yesterday. I planned to come early and finish it early. It wasn't totally my fault for not being able to complete the task yesterday. The content management system was slow and it had problems handling the fairly large DCR that I was working on. At first, the system took two minutes to refresh. As the DCR grew bigger, the system took a longer time. It did enough to frustrate me that I felt like slamming the IBM thinkpad after I finally completed my task.

Now that my contract has finally ended, I have no idea what I am going to do before I go to camp. My relatives had planned a trip to Batam next week but I just heard news that my family will not be following them coz apparently, my dad will be busy with his religious class that day. If given a choice, I will not go there too coz Batam is not the most exciting place to go to. The only thing which I feel is good is the shopping. Everything there is cheap except for the electronic items. :(

What am I going to do now?

I would rather stand than sit in the MRT

2006-06-14T11:57:00.000+08:00

The title is quite a mouthful but hey! at least it's not a paragraph long. Anways, that aside, I would like to account my experiences in the MRT for the past few weeks.

I had never board the MRT this frequent before I took up this job as a freelance Media Producer. No, I don't drive. Neither do I own a driver. I seldom went out. I preferred staying home and did what was neccessary;eg. playing computer games, kicking a size-1 soccer ball to the wall then catching it before kicking it again, surf the net, chat, updating my portfolio site...etc.

The MRT is the place where you can find lots of different people with different antics that could either surprise or shock you. Some of them would even go to the extent of making you feel so uneasy that you feel like getting off the train. Just yesterday, there was this middle-aged man who kept smiling to himself. I was unstrategically standing in front of him in the overly-crowded train. He would sometimes look at me and smile. When I frowned, we looked away. Than he would look back and smiled again. What fetishes does he have with me?! I thought I forgot to zip my pants but I didn't. How did I check it?..Won't tell you. Only god knows how relieved I was when he finally alighted.

There were also several instances where I sat right beside a person who have with them things similar to that of mine. Once, there was this guy carrying the same bag as mine. We literally had a bag with a same brand and same colour. A week after that, I was sitting beside a guy wearing the same t-shirt brand as mine. To top it all up, yesterday, I sat beside a guy again wearing the same shirt colour as mine. To make things worst, we were the only two at our row of seats. We look like the most unlikely couple in this world. :p

My other accounts would include the common stuffs like refusing the give up seats, inconsiderate commuters who played a song loudly from their handphones or MP3 players. Yah, talking about that, there was this guy who played a chinese song from this mobile phone while playing 'tetris' (he did not switch off the game's sound effects) in a deck with mostly Malay commuters. How inconsiderate was that? Very... It would be ok if he had played malay songs like gurindam or dodang sayang. But chinese pop songs?!

This is going to be my last two days travelling to my workplace at Harbourfront. I'm sure going to miss watching Singaporeans' antics in the MRT.

For my sunshine

2006-06-13T10:31:00.000+08:00

This is for my sunshine who have always greeted me in the morning. Sometimes, before I go to bed. I'm going to tell you who my sunshine is. No secrets. So, read on..

This is a poem for you my sayang..

You are my sunshine,
My lovely sunshine.
You make me happy
Very happy

When my eyes are droopy
When I am sleepy
You'll be there
You'll always be

The morning dew
The night so blue
I look for you
I think of you
Memories of you
Stuck like glue

My sayang
My love
Wo ai ni
Saya sayang padamu

You are my sunshine
You really are
I prefer you thick
I like you less with milk
You are the one
You're my kopi sayang

I ain't lying

2006-06-12T12:21:00.000+08:00

In my previous post, I've highlighted a few timings. But the posted time does not correspond to them. How is it possible for me to write an article at 11.19am and post it at 11.00am the same day? I'm very sure I did not take a time machine before I posted it. Checked my settings and it is definitely set correctly; Singapore time. And the time that was reflected, is the same as that on my watch. So, it's not my mistake.

The previous post is authentic. I wrote it! But....I was sleepy when I wrote it. hmm...could have mixed up the time. Sorry folks...:p

So sleepy

2006-06-12T11:00:00.000+08:00

An air-conditioned room, a nice comfy chair, and a quiet environment with only the hissing of the four computers in the room. I got my bottle of Boncafe's iCafe that I bought from CHEERS early this morning before stepping into office, on my right. On my left, is my bottle of plain water that was just filled up five minutes ago.

It is 11.05am. I am only in the office for less than 2 hours, but I am very very sleepy. Thanks to the World Cup. I watched the 12am match between Mexico and Iran, but gave a miss for the later match at 3am as a precautionary measure so that I will not fall asleep in the office. Obviously, it doesn't work. Neither does the caffiene.

I rubbed my eyes and took brief ten seconds naps to avoid sleeping on my IBM thinkpad. But my eyes still felt heavy. So here I am, writing another post on my blog to work my brain, to keep myself awake. Obviously, it works. If it doesn't, I wouldn't be writing this blog and you wouldn't be seeing anything in this space.

Now, it's 11.19am. Fourteen minutes past but I'd only written two more paragraphs. That is how slow my brain is working today. Ok...I can't think of anything else to write now. Will be back later...

Shitty Matches. Shitty mood

2006-06-11T11:56:00.000+08:00

So bored.
Yesterday's World Cup matches were a bore. England showed a lacklustre performance despite all the hype about "The three lions are hungry for WC success". Yea right...*rolling eyes*

Their excuse; it was too hot. We are tired. What f**k! If you're hungry, you will fight no matter rain or shine, hot or cold. That's a lame excuse. Even the Singapore National Football team has more pride not to give that kind of excuse. When they are bad, they will say they are bad. Not blame the weather.

Argentina's match with Ivory Coast showed a big gap in experience between the two. Ivory Coast was chasing the ball like mad cows thinking that people will acknowedge their efforts. But hey! They won't get any from me. I admit I hate Drogba. I really realy hate him. A self-proclaimed "gem of Africa"..He's not even worth a penny in my point of view. He always muscles his way into the defence but a slight baby push from one defender can send him rolling on the ground and wailing as though he had broken all his bones. Ok...back to his team, Ivory Coast.

In professional football, or even logically, no one person can make surging run for 90mins. Ivory Coast did just that thinking that Argentina's defence will be threatened. Argentina? The team who have won three World Cups be threatened by those kind of childish attack? Ivory Coast should look back at their drawing boards there.

Sigh...Those matches contributed to my shitty mood today. I can't believe I stayed up to watch lousy games. I hope Italy can make me feel better.

My pick for World Cup is...

2006-06-10T19:12:00.000+08:00

World Cup fever is here again. So, like any other boys, i'm going to talk...or maybe....write...ok...type something about World Cup...OLE!

Let's not start with "What is World Cup?"...coz it'll be very boring.. So, why not start with...hmmm... "Which team is my pick for the World Cup?" just like the title suggests. GREAT IDEA!

My pick for the World Cup is none other than the Azzurris! Ok...for those who are not familiar with the football language (it's one of the most popular international language. Others include french, arab and english), Azzurri is the nickname for the Italian team. Azure = blue... Blue is the colour of the Italian jersey. So, yea.. Since they don the blue jersey, they're called the Azzurris. Get it?..

I think Italians are digital media maniacs. Know why? Ponder over this; Why does the Italian team wear blue jerseys when their flag doesn't even have a tinge of blue? The answer..RGB.. Waah! Their flag has the Red.. the green... but it's missing something... Blue... So, blue it is...

Italians are a bunch of perfectionist. They have a white on their flag. but before they can get the white, they must get the blue coz a spectrum of red, green and blue will give white....hmm... I think that's theoritically correct...

But seriously, I feel Italy is fielding the best team for this World Cup. They are stable in almost all areas. They can win all their matches if they stay focused and ignore the scandals overshadowing their country's football body. I heard news that some of their fans will not be rooting for them in this World Cup to shout out their dissapointment. But the Azzurris wouldn't care less. They will be out to prove their doubters wrong

Final say before I prepare to watch England's first match with Paraguay... Cut the Joga Bonito crap...

FORZA ITALIA!

Yazid's love..............for blogs...:p

2006-06-10T13:21:00.000+08:00

I once hated blogging. I thought blogging was a waste of time. I thought blogging was for people who are desperate to be popular. I thought blogs kill web design. I am a multimedia designer and is very passionate about that. So, lousy web design or preseted designs was a BIG NO-NO for me.

But recently, I picked up a liking for blogs which I feel does not make me any more popular, but helps me constantly practice my usage of english. It's not the best form of practice but it is indeed the most enjoyable one.

I also decided to brek my vow of hating blogs as a therapy to get over my temperamental behaviour. I tell you, it definitely works because I finally got closer to my family members especially my brother whom I used to quarrel with day in, day out. Now, we just can't stop joking with one another. And sometimes, it took our disciplinarian dad to cut our crap. I'm also becoming more open and approachable. At least, that's what I feel. I'm not sure whether this is a sign of maturity and have nothing to do with blogs, but I'm really comfortable with this change.

However, I still feel that some bloggers make themselves look so cheap by posting lousy articles but made them up by including act-cute, wah-I'm-so-beautiful pictures of....themselves. One suggestion, why not sign-up for friendster or any other social-network sites? But I'm lucky. I rarely stumble into those chepo blogs. Most of the blogs that I stumble upon including the ones owned by some of my friends, contain good articles which at times make me understand them more.

This is my 21st article. 21 articles in 2 months for someone who once hate blogs is ironic. I will continue to post more articles... At least when I'm inspired to write one... Thanks to everyone who have been reading "Running without shoes"..:D

So high. So scary

2006-06-08T16:20:00.000+08:00

Success is something I learnt to be afraid of. When I was young, I wanted so much to be successful. I dreamed of being the best golkeeper in the world, then dreaming of being a renowned cartoonist. I wanted to be popular.

But as I grow older, I see success in a different light. I'm scared. Will my feet still be on the ground? or will it start stepping on others. Please god forbid that.

Now that I got into a local university, it felt like I'm at the peak of a mountain and I don't know how to get down. The ground that I'm stepping on is too narrow that a gush of wind could send me tumbling down.

I hope this feeling will be temporary because no one succeeds with fear in their hearts.

New site's up!

2006-06-07T15:55:00.000+08:00

My new site is already live! I feel it looks fresher and fun than the previous design. This time, I opt for image links than bORING text links.

This new site also poses new features (though not highly innovative). Now, you can view different projects via the drop-down menu. No need for you to go back to the homepage before selecting another project. ACCESSIBILTY is the key aspect of a good website..haha.. It's true. Dun laugh.

The background is also now textured..WOW... I wasn't for textured background but recently, I learnt to effectively use it.

Next is the featured section. This is the best part. It's flash! WOW! No, it's not simple tweening animation. The animation is triggered solely by actionscripting. Beat that flash newbbies...haha... It's not 100% working...yet... But give me a few hours and I can do magic with it...cey! This section will the most interactive and active section on my new site. The content will update by itself.. No, I didn't use nano technology.. It's just random loading of movie clips or attachMovies.

This new site is also hosted on a new server. No more Angelfire. I've opt for Bravehost. Yeah, still a free web hosting company. Although Bravehost's free, annoying ads looks much shittier than that of Angelfire's, the 50MB of space that they offer is attractive. They also provide free tools which can make my site more dynamic. So, come and visit...

The site is located at www.yazids.cjb.net. Pardon the annoying ads. But don't worry, they don't come with spywares.

To my buddies

2006-06-07T10:02:00.000+08:00

This is to all my buddies. Melayu Rocks! Adi, Asyraf, Hafidz, Nurul, Salman, Siti, Suhana...you guys rock. haha.. Frankly, I hate to use the word 'rock' coz it makes me look kiddy. Makes me sound like a secondary school student. haha... No offence ar..haha...What's a better word to describe you guys (now i sound like a Malaysian)? You guys are...exciting people to be with?

Let me introduce them:-

Adi - Film-whiz...my honourable flash tutor...motivator... the guy with big dreams

Asyraf - Mat! haha... humorous... mamat cameraman... gila dok... you never want to go for breaks without him... a joy to be with.

Hafidz Senor - unique name... mat jiwang... mat sentimental... my buddy in cambodia... film-whiz...

Salman- mat afro... animator... cukup giler... you never know when he's serious and when he's not. Hmm...interesting...

Nurul - french..hehe...

Siti - a great friend...not an IMDian but likes to spend time with us...thank you so much... DIA-fan...

Suhana- sweet...another french..hehe...

I'll never be able to get the silver medal without your support. WA CAYA SAMA LU ORANG!

Pre-Graduation symptom

2006-06-05T12:20:00.000+08:00

This is my second back-to-back article for today. You might think I'm very bored at the office, but HELL NO! I'm just inspired to write something for YOUR reading pleasure.

I'm slightly crazy today. Very restless. I've been like this for the past few weeks. I guess, this is the pre-graduation symptom. I'm f**king happy. I can't f**king wait for this memorable event. This highly anticipated event is made more f**king exciting with..oops...I'd told myself that I won't tell anyone this good news. I want to surprise people.

I like to surprise people coz it's funny looking at them trying hard not to look surprised...you get what I mean. The way they stumble on their words when they 'tried' to congratulate you, the way they look at their shoes when they talk to you. Those are SIGNS...wooooooo

I don't know what else to write but I feel like writing more coz I am very very very (in short, extremely) happy.

Okk, before you start rolling your eyes and got fed-up with me or this article, I'm going to end here for now. haha...:)

Holidaying in Singapore

2006-06-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

cJune holidays is finally here! YEAH! haha.. There's no holiday for me though. Still have to go to work today. But I did have an enjoyable time with my family during the weekends.

It was just two days ago. Save the calculations. It was last Saturday, 05 June 2006. My family planned to go out but there's one problem. Where to? Shopping? Boring. Go Sentosa? A little boring too. So, we cancelled our plan. But only for a while. Suddenly we got a call from my sister that she got two complimentary rooms at Orchid Country Club. I won't tell you how she got it coz i'm busy with work right now...haha...

Our family know nuts about golfing but we don't need golfing expertise to stay in a hotel room right? So, that it. We, easterners went for a holiday in western Singapore. We, easterners went to the Satay Club at Sembawang shopping centre, visited Geylang 'New' Market on our way back, and had our breakfast at the KTM food court.

I was sceptical about holidaying in Singapore, but this is one of my best weekends with my family members. So ppl, go holiday in Singapore!..haha.

Islam and Women

2006-06-02T11:53:00.000+08:00

I was browsing islamicity.com on a boring day at the office when I came across the following article. It is an exerpt taken from a book written by a non-muslim. I am very baffled by the accuracy of his writing though he's not a muslim. May Allah bless him with hidayah so that he can be part of the muslim brotherhood.

For the girls out there, this is an article for you. You are very appreciated in the eyes of Islam. So, why the need to desperately be ahead or even topple men?

I hope this article can help you understand Islam better just like how it did to me..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Distorting Image of Muslim Women

Modern Europeans and Americans assume that Muslim women are invariable oppressed, it is by no means clear that Muslim women have always suffered from disadvantages in comparison with Christians or others. This is an instance in which very recent advances in Europe and America are somehow assumed to be an essential part of the West.
English women did not have full property rights until the Married Women's Property Acts of 1870 and 1882, yet under Islamic law, Muslim women have been guaranteed inheritance and property rights since the seventh century. English women were still chattels of their husband or father when Lady Mary Wortley Montagu traveled to Constantinople in 1716 with her husband, the British ambassador. She was amazed to meet there Ottoman women of the nobility who owned large estates and managed their own property without male interference. Lady Mary even found the veil to be a liberating device that freed women from the prying eyes of men.
Certainly misogyny and unequal rights for women are features that can be found in abundance in the societies of North Africa, the Near East, and much of Asia, but can we honestly say that America and Europe are free of these problems? It is easy and hypocritical to accuse other societies of abuses and inequities when injustices still exist in our own culture. The image of the oppressed Muslim woman can all too often serve as another self-righteous reason for Europeans to congratulate themselves on their superiority.
Anti-Islamic stereotypes
In all the images of Islam that are commonly circulated in European and American culture, little can be found that is positive. Is it possible for an entire civilization to have such negative features, enduring more then 1,000 years across half the world?
Although I am not a psychologist, I cannot help but feel that there is a mechanism of projection operating here, along the lines spoken of by Jungians, in which one's own negative characteristics are projected onto others. There is certainly plenty of evidence of fantasy throughout the history of anti-Islamic stereotypes. Muslims are considered to be violent, yet we do not hear any similar accusations about intrinsic violence in Christianity or European culture; what was it about Christianity that motivated the world conquests of the nineteenth century or more recent atrocities such as the 1995 massacre of more than 6,000 Muslim men and boys carried out in a single day by Eastern Orthodox Serbs in Srebrenica?
Muslims are considered to have dysfunctional roles for women, yet that emblem of Western technological superiority, the Internet, is saturated with pornographic images, and the sexualization of women is omnipresent in television, newspapers, and advertising.
Is the West so confidant of its relations between the sexes? Everyone needs to become educated as a media critic nowadays, because the recycling of sensational images is what the communications media love the most, especially when conflict is present.
Islam is a subject that most Americans and Europeans have experienced only through theses negative images and stereotypes. Clearly the time has come to go beyond those images and encounter real human beings.

Excerpted from 'Following Muhammad' by Professor Carl W. Ernst, W.R. Kenan is Professor of Religious Studies at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. He is the author of several books on Islam.

NEW DESIGN FOR PORTFOLIO SITE!!

2006-06-01T23:42:00.000+08:00

Current portfolio site design at http://www.yazids.cjb.net

New design! I will try to complete it before my National Service that will due on the 21st of July.

What do you think of my portfolio site's new design?...Send me your honest comments. :D

THANK YOU!

The heart remembers better

2006-05-31T00:01:00.000+08:00

In my earlier post, I said that I will forget about the girl that I'd longed for. But the truth is, I can't. It's so tough. She's so special. Too special in fact. I'm not sure what makes her special but there's something about her that attracts me. No, not just her smile. There's more. But I've no idea what it is...or even...what they are.
Her name still lingers in my mind, engraved in my heart. I wanted to say that I like her, at least through MSN, but my ego stops me from doing so. The words just didn't come out.
Arrgh! this wait, this agony!

Work or Study ?

2006-05-28T23:24:00.000+08:00

I have just completed my three years in polytechnic. I'm working now, and just like the feeling I had during my internship in an advertising company in Cambodia, I am loving working life. No, not because of the money (I don't earn much really). It just feels good to be independent. And I really love it when my relatives asked me what I'm doing while waiting for my National Service enlistment. "I'm working". And I'll say that with a wry smile. I enjoy that.

But there is this issue that I'm still contemplating. I've already got a place reserved in NTU and I'll be going in right after my NS. Should I continue my education and sweat it out for a degree or work for money? I would love to go for the latter because I really hate money issues because of the problems they bring with them. But education needs money. Lots and lots of them. So, that brings me back to the square one. Money makes the world go round indeed.

Help me people. I'm very indecisive. Comments are welcomed...:)

A very sad...sad experience

2006-05-21T12:03:00.000+08:00

I have to accept that luck wasn't on my side. Sometimes, hard work does not guarantee success.

I did two freelance job after my graduation, thinking that I can earn money with the talent that God gave me; drawing and designing. But both did not go as I expected. They either stop prematurely or not accepted. Sad? NO, massively dissapointed. I hate to fail...

But looking at the brighter side, I do gain experience through those freelance jobs. I do earn a bit (at least one client recognize my effort). Alhamdulillah...

I'm really sad while writing this blog. My itunes is playing a hip-hop song. Though it's irritating, I let it play becoz I love hurting myself more when I'm already hurt. It's my way of telling myself, "You fail and you must remember this."

Sigh...the clouds are also crying for me. It's raining... Just as I thought today would be my day after finding out that 161 people viewed my site yesterday, the highest page views since a year, the news about my illustration not accepted, still hurts me deep.

I must believe that this is a blessing from God...Ya Allah, I thank you for giving me a chance to experience working life. It's not as easy as I thought. Thank You Allah for teaching me. I love you so...

How do I show tat I care for her?

2006-05-19T23:30:00.000+08:00

This is a story of a female friend who is being stalked and harrassed by some 'mat drug' or drug addict. But since they are stalking people, they must be sex addicts too. She told me through SMS, a very unreliable source. Sorry girls...but I feel girls tend to exaggerate too much sometimes...

This friend of mine is working at somewhere (of course I can't tell you where) part-time and she always have to do the afternoon-night shift. So, she goes home only at 11pm. She said she was scared. I wanted to help. I wanted to accompany her home. BUt....sigh

Call me conservative, but I have been taught since young that going out with another gender as a couple is 'maksiat' which is wrong. This is because when you do that, the person in the middle is devil. He will try his best to instigate you to do sin. Yea...I bet some of you would go..."Hey! I control my life! I won't do sin!"...And I'll go.."You are naturally weak. And you will stay weak".

Hmm.... I'd been frank with her. I told her exactly my intention of accompanying her home and the reason why I can't do that. She replied with a dissapointed tone. sigh.... Sometimes, I feel people are avoiding me because of my 'conservative' outlook of life....Don't get me wrong...I won't change. :)

God wants to remind me

2006-05-19T23:04:00.000+08:00

It was just two days ago that I posted an article regarding how disappointed I was with my own race. I was emotional. Deeply emotional. And I know, whatever I wrote might hurt people real deep. I am very sorry. Deeply sorry.

This afternoon, during the friday sermon, I felt as though Allah was reminding me. The topic for this week was 'Patience'. The khatib sucks. He was suppose to present a sermon, but he was presenting it in a storytelling tone. But that aside, the sermon's content really struck me.

Once again, I'm very sorry for saying bad things about my own race. I was wrong. Criticising my own race from a blog wouldn't change things. Because only God, only ALLAH decides whom he wants to change. Alhamdulillah, I am blessed with parents that provide ukhrawi knowledge to their children. I should be thankful to god.....hmmm....yes... I will doa and pray to God so that he can bring my race.....well, I mean those who considered themselves Malay/MUSLIM...to the right path; the islamic path which is also the only true, 'fitrah' path. Amin....

Majikan Melayu

2006-05-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

Aku tulis dalam bahasa melayu pasal aku tak nak malukan bangsaku. Aku bangang! Aku bingit! Namun aku tahu aku tidak boleh 'label' orang melayu sebagai pemalas, bodoh dan sebagainya kerana aku sedar tidak semua orang melayu begitu.

Aku hairan. Aku pernah bekerja dengan bangsa lain. Tiada masalah. Walaupun kadang-kala mereka memberi terlalu banyak kerja, namun, mereka tidak lupa untuk memuji dan membayar gaji pekerja mereka. Sekarang ni, aku nak berbual pasal orang melayu. Aku fikir, bekerja dengan orang melayu adalah lebih senang. Namun, ternyata ia tidak tepat. Terus-terang, aku masih belum mendapat upahku selepas bekerja bertungkus-lumus selama dua bulan lebih. Alasan mereka, langsung tidak munasabah. Tetapi, aku terimanya kerana aku tahu MELAYU memang begitu.

Bangkitlah bangsaku. Kamu belum maju! Jangan berangan kamu dah maju! Semakin ramai melayu ke PUB, semakin ramai melayu yang melakukan sex rambang, semakin ramai melayu yang minum arak, merokok, berjudi! ITUKAH YANG DINAMAKAN MELAYU MAJU?! Adakah melayu yang maju menipu orang? Mengambil kerja seseorang tanpa membayar? ...Renungkanlah wahai bangsaku. Maju itu bukan terletak pada kebendaan sahaja...

NO more hoping

2006-05-15T16:29:00.000+08:00

4 years. That's how long i'd been waiting and hoping impatiently. How I yern to wake up and see her smile and wave at me. But they never came.

Now, I have given up. My e-mails were ignored, my request to be in her friendster list not given a peek. I have to accept that she is never meant for me.

20 years old now. Still single. I know I'm still young. "Love can wait. Study comes first", that saying echos in my head. My mom always say that. But all my siblings have a partner. My elder sister as well as my younger siblings already have one.

Do I sound desperate? I hope I'm not. I really am not!...haha... I'm just dissapointed that luck wasn't on my side. But damn..I shouldn't complain. God knows best what's good for me.

To the girl whom I've been hoping for, I just want to tell you that you're loved by someone who is too shy to admit his love for you. He tried to take the less conventional route to attract you but he got lost and he turned back. He is not blaming you, don't worry. His love is stuck to you like a birth mark but he is trying his best to erase it using...laser? Must be painful...But that's love right.

I'm walking away.Good bye. Good luck.

First Day at BP

2006-05-09T13:21:00.000+08:00

As of 1320hrs today, I am still sitting in a small room...ok..slightly big...the cool thing is the room has a name! The name of the room is Faber. Before going into this room, my friend and I pass by a few other bigger rooms. Ironically, their names are Kilimanjaro, Ophir and other mountains you can think of. Tried to find Krakatoa but to no avail. We are in Faber, a local representative. Hmm..I wonder why they didn't use Bukit Timah. Though small, the room is at the top floor. So, we have a good view of...of....of....the expressway.

But anyway, since I wasn't doing anything, I browse the Net. And I found this informative website. Muslim brothers and sisters will find it very useful especially if you are going overseas. The site is zabihah.com...

Hebat Temasya Hari Keluarga!

2006-05-08T11:32:00.000+08:00

Allah adalah penerbitnya, Al-quran dan sunnah adalah skripnya, Malaikat dan nabi adalah pelakon utamanya...". Itulah kata-kata permulaan dan penutup bagi suatu ceramah yang hebat, padat, menarik dan mengasyikkan. Penceramahnya adalah seorang yang amat berbakat iaitu Ustaz Akhil Haay. Nyanyi boleh. Berpidato boleh. Berlawak jenaka pun tiada masalah.

Pada mulanya, aku tidak kenal akan ustaz tersebut. Namun, banyak telahku dengar mengenainya terutama dari kenalan masjid dan kakakku. Alhamdulillah, Masjid Darul Ghufran telah menjemputnya berceramah di 'Temasya Hari Keluarga' pada 6 Mei lalu yang mendapat sambutan yang menggalakkan. Tidak pernah aku berpeluh menjadi sukarelawan di masjid. Aku ni, bukanlah seorang ahli belia masjid Darul Ghufran yang komitted. Tetapi, sejak dua menjak ni, rajin sikit.

Aku tolong dari pukul 10:30pagi hingga ke lewat malam. Kerjaku senang. Mengatur kerusi, melayan tetamu, jalan kehulur-kehilir, menguntum senyuman kepada tetamu terutama tetamu wanita..hehe...dan sebagainya.

Temasya itu turut menjemput Khairul Anwar, pemenang ANUGERAH 2006. Sambutannya agak memusakan tetapi aku langsung tidak menjangkakan sambutan yang lebih hangat dari Ustaz Akhil Haay. Beliau tidak begitu popular di Singapura jika dibandingkan dengan Khairul Anwar. Hujan turun dengan lebatnya semasa ceramah Ustaz Akhil. Namun, pengunjung tidak menghiraukannya. Belia masjid yang termasuk aku, lari lintang-pukang untuk menyediakan tempat berteduh bagi pengunjung yang tidak dpt masuk ke dalam kemah yang disediakan. Alhamdlillah, usaha kami berhasil.

Forum Agama yang diadakan pada malamnya juga tidak kurang hebat. Forum itu membentangkan ahli panel dan moderator yang berpengalaman. Mereka adalah Ustaz Wan Bani Sohor, Ustaz Jamaluddin...dan seorang lagi, aku kurang ingat namanya.hehe...Tajuk perbincangan pada hari itu adalah 'Si Tanggang dahulu dan sekarang'. Pengunjung-pengunjung pasti akan bersetuju denganku bahawa, topic ini adalah topic yang amat hangat. Pada sesi soal-jawab, ramai yang ingin bertanya soalan dan memberi pendapat. Pada pandangan saya, semua soalan dan dikemukakan kurang berkualiti. Terutama solan yang akhir.

6 Mei merupakan hari mengundi. Aku rasa, pak cik yang menanyakan soalan terakhir itu berada dalam 'mood' pilihan raya. Aku hairan mengapa dia emosi sangat. Aku tidak berapa ingat secaraa jelas apa yang disoalkannya, tetapi berikut adalah inti patinya.

- Saya amat marah dengan Ustaz dan ustazah pada hari ini..(cey! mcm ahli politik pembangkang)

- Kenapa ustaz dan ustazah menyalahkan ibu bapa dan anak sahaja...(aku tak rasa pon aku dipersalahkan)

- Kenapa tidak menyalahkan undang-undang negeri....(wah! dia membentangkan bukti la)

Soalanku kepada pak cik itu. Mengapa terlalu emosi? Mengapa datang ke forum agama dengan hati yang tertutup rapat, tidak mahu menerima teguran? Adakah ini sifat seorang Melayu? Kolot! Bodoh! Dan langsung tidak mahu menerima teguran yang baik? Inikah yang dikatakan sebagai Melayu Maju?...Fikirkan wahai bangsaku.

Walaupun begitu, aku ingin mengucapkan tahniah kepada Masjid Darul Ghufran yang telah berjaya menganjurkan Temasya Hari Keluarga 2006 ini. Hujan yang turun dengan lebat sepanjang hari tidak melenturkan semangat kami. Bidasan pedas dari pengunjung yang jahil langsung tidak mengancam ustaz dan ustazah yang menjawabnya dengan penuh kesabaran.

Allahu Akbar!

"My friend will be a...just a secretary..haha"...yea right

2006-02-25T12:43:00.000+08:00

Who are you?
You're just a friend.

How long have you known her?
Three years?
I think less than that.

Then how do you know she's only fit to be a secretary?
Then how do you know you're a potential counsellor?
I've never seen an arrogant counsellor.
I think you want to be the first.
Being first is what everyone wants to be.
OK...fair enough.
I respect your opinions of yourself.

You said you're a leader.
You said we're not.
If I am not.
Why was I chosen as a prefect back in school?
How did I become a facilitator?
Why was I chosen to go to leadership camps?
Why am I the eldest brother in my family?

Don't be arrogant my friend.
You're no one.
Neither am I.

Award = Satisfaction?

2006-02-25T11:41:00.000+08:00

For me, award is an equation of satisfaction. Hard work is an equation of award. But experience taught me that those equations seldom happen. When it does happen, it's just luck. I am a hard worker. I never rely too much on luck and fate. Not trying to be religious or trying to cheaply promote Islam, but trust me, Islam taught me this positive value; Work as though you're going to live a hundred years, Pray as though you're going to die tommorrow. However, like the saying goes, no one is perfect. I'm part of the imperfects. Though a hard, 'nocturnal' worker, I always put a lot of confidence in my pieces. I'm not a perfectionist but I always ensure that my works are of a certain standard and originality. Plagiarism is not accepted in my school but I don't need that rule to teach me not to cheat. It's a basic rule I've learnt since I was a baby. Ok, I'm exaggerating...since I was a boy. My mom always warns me about being too confident but I never listened. To me, this confidence provides me strength. It is a sign of respect to the inspirations that GOD presents me with. But when my work fails to shine in the eyes of others, it feels as though the world is falling on me. I will be so dissapointed that I will have no mood to talk to anyone or smile for a week sometimes two.

I'm in my final year in polytechnic. The school is going to award a few students. There are rumours saying that the award is for the best student who have done well for the past three years, others saying that the award is for the student who scored highest in their Final Year Project. Whatever they are, they are rumours. Rumours are creatures that cannot be trusted my friend. Rumours also said that there are nominees for the award. Apparently, I'm not part of the nominee. Disappointed? Tremendously. I was awarded the Director's List for two years in a row. Since then, I've been telling myself to work harder and end my final year with a bang. I want to go out of Design School with another award that I can be proud of. I want to go up on stage and look at the proud eyes of my parents as I recieve the award. But I know there are others better than me, but I'm always a fighter. My work is not the best but it is not bad either. You can preview it at my site www.yazids.cjb.net.

Well, it's just not my luck...I'm going to say this with a lot of pain in my heart...There is always another time.

That Piercing Smile

2006-02-04T14:15:00.000+08:00

I still remember the first time she smiled and waved at me. I think they were sincere. Well, I don't know for sure. We can never know someone's heart. That makes life more interesting.

Every time she smiled, my heart skipped. Was it love?..I think so. But like the saying goes, it takes two hands to clap, it takes two hearts to love. So, did she feel the same way as I do?... I don't know. And I will never know.

I was shy with girls. I think I still am. She was in Secondary 1. I was in Secondary 3. A three year gap between us. People say age does not matter in love. But at a mere age of 14 years old, I don't want her to put love before her studies. Although I only got to see her smile every morning before the assembly, I was contented.

A year past. The smile is still there to greet me, to dazzle me. I was still too shy to talk to her. Then one day, I saw something that makes my heart beat faster. I was over the moon. I saw my name engraved on her table. "Yazid"...There's no other Yazid in my school. It have got to be me. That was a chance I regret not taking. I left school the year after I took my O levels. I didn't ask for her phone number nor her e-mail address. Stupid? I think I am.

I miss her smile so dearly. I was fortunate, one of her friends, my junior while in National Cadet Corps, gave me her number and e-mail address.

Since then, we started Instant Messaging each other. I prefer doing that then SMSing her because she seldom reply SMSes. Besides, Instant Messaging is cheaper. In fact, free.

One day, she included her picture on her Instant Messenger. That smile. It is still there. She looks prettier. I have always wanted to tell her that.

I just did, yesterday....:p

JUST...Name and Fame

2006-02-04T14:13:00.000+08:00

I was part of it. Just part of it. I was credited. Just credited. I contributed my ideas. They were just my ideas.

We won, 13 of us. But technically, only 4 celebrated. The rest us left to dream for another chance of fame. Diplomacy never works in real life. It is just a concept too angel for real life.I was nice. Just too nice. I thought diplomacy works. I was so naive. It didn't. In fact, it backfires on me.

Sigh, two days past. Not even a call from our fellow 4 celebrated friends. Where's the team's prize money? Where's the other prizes that we won? Yes, they may be the representatives. They may be the backbone for the root idea. But have they forgotten? Who refined the idea?! 13 of us. Who put their utmost effort working on the project?! All 13 of us. Who quarrelled just to contribute more for the team?! All 13 of us. They have forgotten. Who are we? We are JUST members. We don't blame them.

They are JUST human. They forgot. We can't blame them. It's just too cruel. Let's blame fame. Let's blame name.